


You Taught Me To Fly

by lovemesomecas94



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Coming Out, First Time True Love, Fully out gay, Gay Love, High School, In closet gay, M/M, seniors
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-07
Updated: 2018-08-21
Packaged: 2019-06-06 13:27:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 40,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15195743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovemesomecas94/pseuds/lovemesomecas94
Summary: In-closet Dean Emerson has one massive crush on the most popular guy in the school: Castiel Stevens. Both are seniors in high school, both are gay. The difference being, Castiel is already out. He is not ashamed of it in the least bit. Eventually the pair fall in love, Castiel opens Dean's heart in ways Dean never knew it could. This is their first true love.





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We learn a little bit of Dean Emerson's life; character introductions.

“You’re staring again,” Charlie, my sister, said to me. She’d been adopted by my parents about four years after me and my twin (not identical) brother, Sam, had been born, just a year younger than ourselves. She was as much my sister as Sam was my brother, because family don’t end with blood.

Anyways, the most popular guy in the school had just entered the cafeteria on his way back from lunch. He was a senior in high school (same for me) so that meant, if he wanted, he could go off campus for lunch. As long as he was back before the bell rang. I could do the same, I just chose not to.

Castiel Stevens was twenty minutes early, which was…unusual. Normally he didn’t get back until five minutes before bell.

Yes. I was staring. No, I didn’t want to admit it. Nobody knows I’m gay, except my sister Charlie.

Oh, I’m Dean. Dean Emerson.

I watched, unable to look away, as Castiel strode so confidently in his faded skinny jeans, converse sneaks, and tight white tee-shirt underneath an open button-up plaid shirt. His hair was dark and unruly, perpetually always looking like he was just coming from having wild sex. He wasn't muscular, but I loved that.

It was known to the whole school that he was gay. That’s why I had such a crush on him. That and, whenever he smiled, which was often, it would light up his baby blue eyes.

Charlie nudged me with her foot (we sat on opposite sides of the booth) after a few minutes and I noticed his friends, a couple of them, starting to notice my stare, so I looked away, down at the untouched meatloaf on my tray.

“You really should eat,” Charlie said quietly. “Gym is next and you know how brutal your coach is.”

I made a face at the meatloaf, my stomach churning at the thought of eating it. “If I eat it, I’ll throw up next period for sure.”

“And if you don’t, you might pass out.”

“I’ll take passing out to throwing up, thanks.”

She sighed heavily. “Did you bring any allowance money with you?”

I looked up into her eyes to give her a _do you not know me_ look. Of course I hadn’t brought my allowance money. That was stashed in…a safe place…for _emergencies only_. This was hardly an emergency. I’d had a big breakfast! I was fine!

My stomach growled.

Charlie gave me a look of _I told you so_.

What was I to do? I certainly wasn’t going to—

“Here, you stubborn jerk,” Sam said, tossing a bag of nacho Dorito chips into my lap as he scooched in beside Charlie.

Grateful for the chips, I looked at him, smiled, and said: “Thanks, bitch.”

Sam and I often called each other these names. It was our thing.

He grinned in response, and then asked how our days had gone so far. After we replied, he filled us in on his eventful morning.

“Sherice asked me out after third.” Third period, in case you weren't sure.

Charlie and I gasped aloud at the same time. That was as far as our identical outburst went.

While she said: “Oh my god, that’s great!”

I said: “Shit, no way!”

Charlie had heard, and though Sam had dismissed it, she gave me a dark look.

“ _‘Shit, no way’?”_ She repeated, incredulous. “Really, Dean?”

My brain stalled, shocked by the venom in her gaze. She continued without a response from me.

“Do you mean to say that Sam is incapable of getting a date?”

“No!” I exclaimed. If anything, Sam was the most capable of the whole school. I thought that’d be the end of it, thought that was problem solved, but I was so horribly wrong.

“Oh! So, then you think women can’t ask men out, is that it?!”

Sam and I both stared at her as if she had three heads. _Both_ of us exclaimed:

“Of course not!”

I added on: “Charlie, what’s going on? Why are you attacking like this?”

She didn’t reply, only staring down at her tray. Sam and I exchanged a silent glance, and decided to let it go. I looked at my brother again and said quietly:

“I really think that’s great, bro.”

“Thanks,” he replied. We cast one final uneasy glance our sister’s way and then let the silence settle around us.

<<<$>>>

She approached me after school, just as I was about to head out to my car.

“Hey, Charlie,” I greeted her.

She looked surprised. “You don’t seem mad.”

Now I was surprised. Or maybe confused would be a better description.

“Why would I be mad?”

“The attack at lunch.”

Oh, yeah, that.

I shrugged. “It’s okay, just a misunderstanding.” I started on my way back to the entrance.

She placed a hand on my arm, stopping me just before I made it. My mind rebelled just a little bit at being stopped so close to freedom.

“Dean, it’s not okay. You didn’t deserve that. I should’ve known better.”

I looked at the ginger-haired girl standing beside me, looking so sad, and went to hug her.

“Charlie, I love to death how you jump to Sam’s defense the way that you do. It’s comforting to know he will always have at least one ally to defend him at all times no matter where he’s at. And I mean if he’s out with you he’ll have you, and if he’s out with me, he’ll have me.” I wasn’t sure if I was making a lick of sense but she seemed to get it.

“So you’re really not mad?”

I pressed a kiss to her bright orange hair.

“Really, really, sis. You riding home with me?”

“No, I have band practice.” She kissed my cheek, noticeably cheerier. “Thanks, Dean.”

I gave her a grin.

“No problem. Show ‘em who’s boss.”

She smiled and started off towards the band room. I finally got my freedom from this school for the day.

<<<$>>>

That night, as I was winding down for bed, Sam came into my room. Well. It was our room. We shared a bunk bed. Still, he climbed up, sat beside me, and asked me a question I’d dreaded for awhile he’d ask.

“Who are you taking to Friday’s homecoming dance?”

Immediately my brain began to panic. If I said no one, he’d ask why, and I’d have to lie further. If I told the truth and said I’d be working Friday night with Castiel and the rest of the theater crew (Castiel was not a jock; I worked on sets and stuff), I worried Sam might start to wonder if I had a thing for the lead actor. I wasn’t ready for him to find out that I did indeed have a thing for Castiel, for another _guy_.

I agonized over this for a few seconds before realizing what an idiot I was to agonize over this at all. My anxiety was telling me that Sam would somehow make an impossible connection to a secret I held? That was dumb.

“I have to work Friday night, on sets, while the cast rehearses.”

Sam looked confused, and for a good half a minute, I panicked so much. I thought somehow he’d made _that_ connection.

I was overreacting.

“Don’t they need the stage to rehearse?”

Sam had never been in the theater, and probably never would be, even to save his life. It wasn’t that he hated theater or anything. He simply held absolutely no interest for it. Science however…

I’m getting off course.

“Sam, there’s a whole space behind the curtain at the back of the stage where I build the sets while the cast rehearses in front of that curtain.”

Sam looked shocked.

“Wait…there’s not a wall behind that?”

I laughed, unable to stop it. The look on his face made me cut the laughter short, though. I put an arm around him and squeezed.

“Bro, the theater is a magical place full of many secrets.”

He groaned, rolled his eyes, and playfully shoved me away from him.

“Oh, get off it.” He stood. “Wish you were coming to the dance, though.”

He loved those social events.

I hated them.

Castiel…well, I know he takes his art seriously but I don’t know if he likes dances or not. Hm. I bet he does.

I forced a smile at my twin, and lied through my teeth:

“Maybe I’ll stop by if rehearsals stop early.”

See, I was only allowed to work on the set as long as the cast was rehearsing. I’m not sure why the director wanted it that way, but…that’s how it’s always been at this school.

Sam smiled genuinely and left the room to go get ready for bed. I began to let my mind wander about what tomorrow afternoon would entail. I always thrilled at the prospect of Castiel being _so close_ just on the other side of that curtain. Almost as if I could just reach out and...I sighed. Friday afternoon wouldn't get here fast enough.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean had been eager to work near Castiel that afternoon, just like always, but never in his life would he ever have expected things to take such a turn. Was this a dream? Because it sure as hell couldn't really be happening. He wasn't this lucky, no way!

Minutes seemed to tick by at a supernaturally slow pace Friday, and I tried everything I could think of to distract myself from this afternoon. When lunch finally arrived, the day now half over, I expected it to go faster. Nope! Instead of counting the minutes to the end of last period, I began counting the minutes to when Castiel might show up. It was the longest forty minutes of my life, but worth it when he walked in again fifteen minutes earlier than his usual (twenty minutes before the end of lunch), causing my heart to leap into my throat. It didn’t help when his gaze slid my way for a split second, his lips twitching towards a smile before he was gone seconds later, his friends behind him snickering.

I couldn’t breathe.

Did Castiel really just send a smirk my way?

“Dude, did you SEE that?!” Charlie exclaimed. Slowly, I looked at her, and slowly my brain became painfully aware of how that had _really happened._

“Wait, you saw…”

“Castiel give you a grin as he passed, yes!” She was looking so excited.

“And I…”

“Stared right back.”

Fuck!

“So he saw…”

Her smile began to wane. “You’re looking panicked.”

She wasn’t wrong.

Castiel wasn’t supposed to, like, see me staring at him. His friends no doubt told him about it, I’m sure he knew, but like…I don’t know. It was different when the subject of your crush actually fully _sees_ you staring at them. Oh god, what have I done?!

I felt a hand on my arm and jumped at the touch. It was just Charlie; her hand stayed.

“Hey,” Charlie said soothingly, “it’s okay, Dean. I’m sure he’s flattered.”

I shook my head. No, he would not be flattered. He’d be horrified. He was simply nice enough not to show it…around me.

I folded my arms on the table, and let out a groan as I rested my head against them. It was all over now.

<<<$>>>

I stood outside those theater doors knowing what…or rather whom…would be on the other side. My anxiety-riddled brain went through scenario after scenario of what could happen the minute I stepped through those doors, all of them unpleasant, all ending with everyone in the theater laughing and making fun of me.

Reality: I walked in, and nothing happened. Nobody looked up, Castiel least of all. Castiel didn’t start in on how someone like me dared to crush on someone like him. Nobody pointed, nobody laughed. The only significant thing that happened was the director expressing his relief that I was here. I didn’t dare look at Castiel as I headed towards the back of the stage. It was going to be a long afternoon.

Around five the director called all of us, cast _and_ crew near the stage to “try something new” as he put it. What it entailed, much to my horror, was the cast was going to run lines with people they’d never run lines with before, which involved the crew. He left us to pair off and everyone in the group found a partner, except Castiel.

Because apparently he’d already run lines with the crew outside of class. He’d taken initiative to challenge himself creatively.

“Is there really nobody here who’s never run lines with Cas?” the director asked.

That’s when Castiel’s eyes fell on me.

That’s when my brain realized the truth.

I was the only one.

I swallowed, frozen in fear.

The director noticed Castiel’s stare, and looked at me. He began to smile.

“Found him?” He asked, looking back to Castiel.

Castiel nodded, his eyes seeming gentle, though his expression serious.

 _Oh god,_ I chanted in my head, _oh god, oh god, oh god…_

“Alright, guys! Get to it!”

Cast and crew spread out through the theater; Castiel headed towards his bag on one of the theater seats in the front row. I remained frozen in place by the steps to the stage knowing I should move so Castiel didn’t do all the work, but literally unable to. He approached slowly holding two scripts, looking like he felt as awkward about this as I did, but then he offered a smile, a script, and said:

“I don’t bite, you know.”

I forced a laugh that sounded too obvious, took the script, and said:

“I know. I’m just…not good at…uhm…”

His eyes grew softer still with total non-judgmental understanding.

“All you gotta do is read the cues. I have them highlighted as such.”

I opened the script and saw what he meant.

I could do this.

If I didn’t focus on the fact that I was standing two feet away from the one guy in the whole school that I had a massive crush on. Heh. I could …totally…do that…yeah.

“So, we’re going to, if you don’t mind, start with scene three. It’s the one I have the most trouble remembering.”

I nodded, found scene three, and saw I started first with a cue; and so we began. My hands shook so badly and it took everything I had to get them to stop, not that it really worked all that well.

By the time we got to the end of the script, about forty minutes later, I had relaxed and realized I was having a little bit of fun. I got to watch his expressions up close, marveling over how beautiful each and every one of them was. I got to see what he looked like when he was concentrating. I even got to share some laughs with him when he got lost in the moment and over gestured or spoke too loudly. His passion was limitless. His passion was marvelous.

Just as we finished the script entirely, the director said it was time for the cast to come back together for more practice, and I truthfully was very sad. Nonetheless, I went back to work. It was hours before we were done for the day.

When that came, a glance at my watch told me it was nearing nine in the evening. I mean, it was Friday, so it was okay homework-wise, but still. It always shocked me how late we went sometimes.

Just as I was about to head up the aisle to leave, Castiel approached me, sending my heart massively aflutter.

“Hi,” I said quietly, unable to hold his gaze.

I noticed the warmth in his expression, though.

“Hey. So, I had a lot of fun running lines earlier.”

I looked at him, utterly shocked. _He’d_ had fun? With me??

There was no way.

“How?” I blurted. Immediately I regretted it.

He laughed. “That right there is how. You’re not a snob. You don’t judge me for not knowing my lines already. And you don’t try to out-act me. Don’t get me wrong, I love this group, but a lot of them are insanely competitive.”

I’d noticed. This time I kept my silence. Who knew what other stupid thing I’d say?

“So, anyways, I wondered if you…maybe…wanted to go again tomorrow? Outside of school?”

My heart became far too loud. I barely heard myself agreeing over that and my mind instantly panicking over this.

“Yeah?” Castiel looked…was that relief? “I mean, that’s great!”

I was so confused.

“Don’t most want to practice with you?”

He shrugged, his expression shutting down a bit. “It’s Saturday, most want to be having fun on the weekends which really sucks because there’s a lot of lines to memorize and not a lot of time and I—”

“I’d be happy to help any way I can,” I interrupted, immediately once more berating myself. “Sorry, that was rude.”

Castiel smiled a little bit. “I appreciate it, though. I. Uhm. I guess we should exchange numbers?”

_Oh, god. Oh, god. Oh, God._

_You need to breathe._

_Oh, god. Oh, god. Oh, god._

With trembling hands I hoped he didn’t notice I offered him my phone so he could put in his number. When he offered me his afterwards, I felt like I was going to pass out. Was this really happening?? Or was I daydreaming again?

With my number in there, which I had to triple check to make sure I'd put it in right-I was so nervous-I handed it back and pocketed my phone. I completely blanked on what to say next.

“So, thanks for your help today.” God, his eyes were so blue. “And I’ll text you later?”

“Are you going to the dance?” I asked then.

He blinked. “There’s a dance?”

At first I thought he was being serious and couldn’t understand how he’d missed all the posters. Then he grinned, and I realized he was pulling my chain. I really needed to get a grip.

…That sounded wrong.

Oh, crap, now all I could think about was—

 _Dean!_ I yelled at myself.

I forced a laugh; aloud to him I said: “You got me!”

He was smiling now. “Seriously, though, yeah I was thinking of going even though I don’t have a date.”

I bit my tongue so hard on that one, refusing to ask him out. No way was that ever happening.

“You’re the most popular dude in the school. Everyone’s gonna be thrilled that you showed up. Plenty will dance with you."

He nodded. “You’re right. Are you going?”

“I wasn’t planning on it.” His look of surprise had me adding on: “Because I have social anxiety and…it’s just…”

“Oh, I understand. Come to think of it, I’ve never seen you at any of the dances.”

I nodded at him. “Social anxiety.”

He smiled yet again, his eyes were so kind, his lips looked so soft. I bet he was a good kisser.

_Dean…stop it._

“You helped me today, so I wanna help you. Will you grant me one dance tonight?”

And there went my breathing again.

“Y…you want to…dance…”

He nodded. “It’s a lot of fun, I promise.”

“But…yer friends…”

“Yes, they will give me shit, but it’s my life, and you should experience at least one high school dance.”

_Oh god. Oh god._

_Oh. My. God._

Now I _had_ to be hallucinating.

Then he touched my arm, sending me further into my frenzy. “Please, Dean?”

I heard myself saying “Yes, of course, sounds like fun,” before I could think up an excuse as to why I couldn’t.

Castiel beamed, looking so thrilled.

“Okay. I need to go home to change but I hope to see you soon.”

I just…nodded. He walked away.

My legs gave out, and I managed to catch myself in time to ease into a nearby theater seat. My hands were shaking so badly, my whole body in fact, and there was only one person I could talk to about any of this. It...just...took me several minutes to text her to pick me up.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things begin to form between Dean and Castiel, even though Dean is utterly convinced that it's all an explicit day dream. He would know, he's certainly had enough of them. At the same time, Sam finds out.

Charlie didn’t start asking questions until after we were safely home and in my room as I changed. Don’t get all weird. My pants stayed on. I just decided to put on something fancier than a tee-shirt. Okay, so I wore a different tee-shirt with a jacket over top, but still.

“Why are you dressing up?” Two seconds later she gasped. “Do you have a date?!”

I looked at her in the mirror. “No, I do not have a date. I’m just…uhm…going to homecoming.”

Her eyes went wide. “What?! NO WAY!”

Yeah, I couldn’t really believe it myself.

That’s when I realized I could’ve hallucinated the whole exchange so I asked her to check my phone for Castiel’s number. She let out a loud squeal of excitement (I think because she was excited about my crush giving me his number?) and went to hug me.

“Sis,” I told her, “I’m not sure if it really happened.”

“Right, right. Okay.” She danced in place while she looked. When she let out a shriek and hugged me again, my stomach turned to lead.

It’d really happened. All at once I realized just what insanity I was getting into. All at once I realized what it’d look like if I were to dance with another guy.

“I’m not going,” I said then, taking off my jacket and setting it on Sam's bed.

Charlie’s excitement died. “Nooo,” she whined, “why not?”

I looked at her and finally told her what’d gone down. By the end of it she was just one…jiggly…bouncy…mass of over-excitement. Okay, so I’m no good with words, but she was…insane with excitement. I waited a few minutes for her to regain coherent thought. When she did, she slapped me upside the head.

“Dean Emerson, you are going to that dance!”

“But…”

“Sam isn’t going to be there.”

I looked at her dubiously. “Do you not know our brother? Sherice asked him out. It's homecoming. They're going.”

“Yeah, the dance started at seven. He’s texted me updates in case something…happens.”

Great, on top of anxiety jitters, I got to worrying about the safety of my brother.

“Anyways,” she continued, “they stopped by the dance for, like forty-five minutes then she wanted to catch a movie, and now they’re out at the park across town. So. He’s not going to find out.”

“Except the whole school is going to talk about Castiel dancing with me; everyone knows he’s gay.”

“Dean, you are blatantly missing the obvious.”

I stared at her, continuing to blatantly miss the obvious.

“Dancing together doesn’t have to mean slow dancing.”

Oh, shit…she was right.

“But what _if?_ ” I asked her.

“You can throw your whole life away because of what if, or you can take a few risks and see what happens.”

She had a point there, too.

_Gahhhhhhhh, what to do, what to doooo?_

“Dean,” she said firmly, offering me the jacket I had set down, “put the damn jacket on and go to the damn dance!”

She resembled our mom so much with that tone of voice that I grew quite intimidated. Ultimately, though, she was right. I couldn’t live in fear. So, I put that jacket on, I grabbed my car’s keys, and I set out to go dance.

My nerve ran out the millisecond I entered the gym. It was dimmer than usual, the flashing lights by the DJ's stand just barely illuminating the place. It was almost packed to capacity with swaying bodies. Our gym was a pretty big one but tonight it looked so very small because…heh…social anxiety…yay…

I saw some of my friends who spotted me at the same time I spotted them. All the way across the room from them, I still heard them yell out:

“AYYYYYY! Dean!!!” 

I saw Castiel look up as their outburst immediately captured his attention who then proceeded to scan the crowd, looking for me. He found me pretty fast. I made my way over to my friends, all too aware of Castiel staring at me as I walked. I tried to ignore the joy that was in his expression.

 _Don’t trip, don’t trip, don’t trip,_ I chanted to myself.

I didn’t trip, thank God.

My friends all wrapped me in a giant group hug, all of them super excited that I had, finally, for the first time in _years_ , come to a dance. I was honestly grateful that they were here. It made this whole thing far less…awkward. All I could think about, however, was dancing with Castiel, however that would happen. Part of me honestly hoped it'd be a slow dance, but most of me knew better.

At around ten-thirty, it happened, and not at all how I expected. The song “Cotton-eyed Joe” came on, and I suddenly felt someone pulling at me to follow them. When Castiel said: “It’s time,” well, that answered everything and I followed him willingly to the center of the gym. Side by side, he and I with half the people in the gym line danced to the song, and despite my best intentions to hate it, I had enjoyed it considerably. I may have been smiling the entire time, and had even laughed with Castiel a couple of moments when I turned the wrong way and bumped into him. It'd truthfully been lot of fun; he’d been right.

“So, what’d you think?” he said afterwards, when the group dissipated.

“I’ll be honest. Not what I expected. But, yeah, it was fun.”

He nudged me. “See what happens when you get out?”

I scrunched up my face at him. “Yeah, yeah.” I noticed his friends watching us like hawks, same for my friends. Two groups couldn't have been further apart on the social spectrum than them.

“So, I guess we should…”

He’d noticed, too.

“Yeah, I guess so. First, though, since you’re already here, uhm, tomorrow…what time is best?”

“Well, I’d honestly like to sleep in…”

“Same, same. I mean, it IS Saturday, after all. We only get two days out of the week to sleep in.”

I grinned. “Exactly. Okay. So I usually sleep until noon.” I was joking, but the look on his face was priceless. The look afterwards when he realized I was kidding was even better.

“You sly shit!” He playfully shoved at me. “Damn, you got me!”

I had to laugh. “Only fair.”

“True, true. Seriously, though?”

“Seriously, I get up around nine usually. I can be ready by nine-thirty.”

“Let’s make it ten-thirty and if it runs long we can get some lunch.”

My stomach flipped at the idea of getting lunch with Castiel…outside of school…just us two. At least, it’d be nice if it was just us two. Gah, I’m getting ahead of myself.

“Sure! Ten-thirty sounds great," I said.

“Awesome. Okay, my friends look like they think I need rescuing. I better go back over. This was fun, though, we should do it again.”

I agreed, my stomach full of butterflies, and then we parted ways. My mind was racing a thousand miles a second. I was actually _talking_ to my crush. I was joking around with him. I had, twice now, caused him to have fun, supposedly; part of me still thought he was just being nice for my sake.

When I got home, my sister was waiting for _all_ the details. However, Sam was also in the room, and I promptly directed the conversation towards his evening. He and Sherice had had a very nice time. Apparently they were going to do it again. He tried turning the conversation back onto me, and I was just not having any of it.

That was the moment that triggered things going south.

When everyone in the house was settled for the night, my brother and I the only ones left awake, he climbed up onto where I lay (we had a queen bunk bed) and sat at my feet, his long legs dangling over the edge of the ladder.

“Why wouldn’t you tell me about your evening?”

“Nothing happened, Sam.”

He scoffed. “If nothing happened, Dean, you would’ve said it, you wouldn't have deflected the conversation. Why don’t you trust me?”

I looked at him. Now would be the time to come out to him.

Instead I said:

“I was at rehearsal, and then I was at the dance. That’s all that happened.”

His frown deepened. “You’ve been hiding something from me for years, and I know Charlie knows because any time I walk into a room where you two already are, you look at me and shut up. It hurts, you know. I mean you _never_ go to dances, and I really want to know what changed. It’s not fair that Charlie knows but I, your own blood twin, don’t.”

I sighed heavily. There was no going around it.

“I was at the dance because Castiel talked me into it when we rehearsed together. We were rehearsing together because our director wanted cast to run lines with crew to challenge them, and I was the only one left that Castiel hadn’t already run lines with. We had a lot of fun and he talked me into going to the dance because I never had been and he wanted to show me how they can be really fun. It was fun, with him. And tomorrow I’m hanging out with him again to help with his lines.”

Sam was silent for a long time. Then:

“Why couldn’t you just tell me that?”

I swallowed hard.

“Because I’m gay, Sam, and I have a crush on Castiel.”

Hurt was the first emotion I saw, then confusion, then hurt again, then I saw the anger.

“How long have you known?”

“Since I was thirteen.”

“And Charlie’s known…?”

“Since I was thirteen.”

Sam closed his eyes. “I see.” Without another word he made his way down the ladder. I leaned over the edge, watching as he prepped his bed to get into it.

“Sam?” I asked.

He didn’t reply.

“Are you mad?”

Still no reply.

I sighed, settling back into bed. He was furious. I mean, he was entitled. I’d hid a big thing from him for five years. I just hoped he would forgive me; I loved him dearly.

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam holds a grudge, and just when things are going really well between Dean and Castiel, reality of their social differences catches up to them.

The following morning, on Saturday November tenth, when I got up at nine as usual, and came down by nine-thirty, ready and anxious as hell, Sam was nowhere in sight. My parents were at work. It was just me and Charlie. I suddenly saw she’d been crying. I rushed over.

“Charlie?!”

She went into my arms. I noticed she was trembling.

“What happened?!” I demanded.

“Sam and I got into a fight about your secret.”

“He yelled at you?!” I couldn't believe my brother would've ever yelled at our baby sister of all people. What the hell had gotten into him?!

“I deserved it.”

My horror deepened as I let out a loud gasp. “No! Charlie! Sweet baby sister! That is bullshit! God, I’ve been so selfish." This never would've happened had I never told only her my secret. "I’m so sorry I put this on you.” I hugged her close.

“Dean. I'm fine. Stop it. Oh, and mom and dad overheard, but they don’t know.”

“That’s irrelevant now," I said into her hair, "but thank you." I was majorly pissed at Sam. If he was going to take it out on anyone, it should’ve been me and by God, he and I were going to have this shit out, one way or another. He was not going to get to me through our sister. She was  _not_ to be collateral damage! God, why hadn't I just...told him? What had I been so fucking worried about? 

Charlie pushed away from me then.

“Don’t you have a date to get to?”

Right then my phone’s text notification sound beeped, and I felt my heart tug as I pulled out the phone, too distracted now to remind her that it wasn't a  _date_. It was just two guys hanging out. My heart soared seeing the confirmation text from Castiel.

**Meet at park, ten thirty, right?**

_Yes. By the Gardens._

**Gotcha. See you soon!**

_See you, too!_

Charlie was smiling.

“What?” I asked her as I put my phone back into my pocket.

“You’re smiling, you big softie.”

I realized she was right.

“Shut up,” I told her, grabbing her in another hug. “I’m gonna talk to Sam when I get home. This needs to be resolved and he's going to fucking apologize.”

“I’m fine, Dean. I was just shocked.”

I kissed her hair. “I’m making you breakfast anyway. What do you want?”

She decided on pancakes and eggs.

 

At ten-twenty I showed up at the park, and made my way over to the Gardens. I won’t lie, I half expected him to stand me up. I half expected this to be a joke, even though I really knew to think more of Castiel. Popularity didn’t mean he was a jerk. He’d certainly been nice at rehearsal. He’d never once given me any trouble. To my utter joy, he was already waiting for _me_ at one of the benches near the pathway that lead to the gardens. He looked up as he became aware of my presence and didn’t hide that smile. God, he was so beautiful.

 _Dean,_ I warned myself.

“Hey,” I greeted him, aware I was smiling in response. I mean, come on, it was hard not to smile whenever Castiel smiled. The freaking world lit up when those lips curved up; the joy always reached his eyes. “I see you had the same _‘get-there-early’_ idea as I had.”

“I always worry about being late, what with traffic and such, so I always aim to be early.”

“Great minds think alike, eh?”

If he was offended by my compliment (because it compared him to me) he sure as shit didn’t look it. The smile returned full bore, my mouth matching it.

“You’re quite the charmer when you want to be, Dean." There went the butterflies in my stomach. "Thank you. So,” he reached into the backpack he’d brought, and pulled out two scripts.

I was surprised.

“Here?” I asked.

He nodded. “You’d be surprised how little people pay attention here.”

I took one of the scripts he offered, noticing all too much when my fingers brushed his. Our eyes met and for a split second I could _swear_ I saw interest in those baby blues, but as I looked away, down at the script in my hands, I convinced myself I was only hallucinating. Why would someone like him ever be interested in someone like me?

“Where would you like to start today?” I asked him.

“I want you to tell me.”

I looked up, surprised again. “What?”

“You remember yesterday afternoon, right? When we practiced then?”

I nodded. Of course I remembered. I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it…and…maybe even...daydreaming...about it...Ahem.

“So I want you to challenge me.”

I swallowed at that. Challenge him? But what if I pi—

“You won’t hurt my feelings, I won’t get pissed off. This is all helping me. Think you’re up for it, Dean?”

Oh, I just loved the way it sounded whenever he said my name. I became blatantly aware that if I wasn’t careful, this crush could get far worse, turning into an emotion much harder to get rid of.

“I’m nervous, but I’ll try my best.”

Castiel smiled a little. “You’re going to do great. So. Hit me with it.”

“Well, I noticed that while scene three you did struggle a bit, you struggled the most with scene nine. I don’t know if it was because it was late and you were tired or if it was because I can’t act but—” I cut off when he held up a hand.

“Dean,” oop, there it was again, “I don’t need you to act. Actually, it’s great that you don’t, because it challenges me to come up with the emotions entirely on my own.”

Well, fuck, now I just felt guilty.

He, apparently, read my mind.

“It’s okay! I _like_ that. That’s why I asked you to help me today. You’re the greatest challenge I’ve ever faced with my acting career, and I fucking love it.”

Hearing him swear for the first time got my heart pumping far too quickly, if you know what I mean. I set out to distract him. Of course, why would he be looking in that area at all but…still…I was massively self-conscious about my body. What teenager wasn’t?

Things after that went so smoothly, time just flew. I had more fun today than I had yesterday. There was something about the openness of our location, it caused Castiel to be more dramatic, to be louder, bolder. I felt myself inching, bit by bit, towards that dangerous point of no return and the closer I got, the greater my conflict. I _wanted_ to fall in love with him. I’d never fallen in love before. At the same time, I was fairly sure it’d be entirely unrequited, and the pain I’d go through upon finally realizing that he would never feel the same…I didn’t want to feel that. I didn’t deal with pain very well.

Around eleven-fifty or so, we suddenly heard yelling and running feet. Looking up, I saw, to my shock, that his friends were here, and they all looked _mad_. I immediately became far too aware of just how close Castiel and I had gotten, so I took a couple steps back. As they reached us, one grabbed me, violently yanking me further away from Castiel.

“Dude, what the fuck are you doing?!” another yelled at Castiel. There were three more, and two were coming over my way, cracking their knuckles, the third branching out to Castiel.

My arms were suddenly grabbed and pulled behind me. I struggled which only made my captor tighten his grasp.

"“What the hell, guys?! Let him go!”

“This will hurt a lot less if you don’t fight,” my captor said in my ear, “so please, fight.”

What the hell was going on?!

The one that had been yelling at Castiel, a tall guy, kind of bulky, with bright blonde hair and contrasting dark brown eyes, glared at me.

“How _dare_ you hang out with him! We got wind of a lowlife like you poisoning the very existence of the school’s king! And you’re going to pay for that!”

“NO!” Castiel screamed but it was too late.

One of his friends went over and blocked his path to me while the one that had spoken proceeded to slam a fist into my face, followed immediately by a slam into my stomach. All air rushed out of me, immense pain following afterwards. Two more got in some punches, Castiel loudly protesting all of this, trying and failing to get past the one friend blocking him. All of a sudden, he put his fingers to his lips and whistled shrilly. The friend blocking him reflexively flinched away, and Castiel pushed past.

“WOULD YOU STOP?!” He shrieked. He shoved everyone _not_ holding me captive away from me, and then glared viciously at the person behind me, who immediately released me. I fell to the ground, too weak to hold myself up. Castiel fell to one knee beside me, his hands gingerly resting one on my arm, the other on my back. I was shaking pretty baldly, but at least I wasn’t bleeding much. My lip was split, and my nose had a mild stream going but that was it. My stomach was killing me the most.

Castiel looked at his friends, an expression of furious pain on his face.

“Why the _fuck_ would you beat him up?! He’s never done a god damned thing to any of you!”

The one that had thrown the first punch was looking confused by Castiel’s anger.

“His brother ran into us in town and told us of your whereabouts,” Sam set this up?!, “Said he was hanging out here with you. You have a reputation to hold up at school. Hanging out with scum would damage that. Plus, he’s a faggot. We beat up faggots.”

Castiel stood, so angry _his_ hands were now shaking.

“I’m also a _'faggot',"_ he did air quotes around the word, "Chris, why the fuck haven’t you beaten me up?”

“Well, obviously you’re the exception. Given your social status at school. That fucker is at the bottom. He needed a lesson."

Castiel stood in place, fuming silently, before suddenly he punched the friend.

“Fuck you, Chris!” He looked at all his friends. “If you all give a god damn about me, you will walk the hell away RIGHT NOW! You are going to stop being such fucking jackasses; you’re going to stop beating up anyone that’s not the same as you! I honestly expected more of you! Jesus Christ. I can’t fucking even right now!” He picked up the scattered scripts, put them in his bag, zipped it up, and slung it over his shoulder while he continued speaking: “And for the god damned record, this meeting was _my_ fucking idea! Because unlike you, I treat other people as my _equals_ , because they are fucking human beings, they deserve at least that!” He helped me to my feet. “I better not see any of you shits again until Monday!  _I_ control my damn life. _NOT YOU!_ ”

Rant over, he helped me to our cars. I saw the dilemma.

“I can dr—”

“You are not fucking driving, Dean. I am. Give me your keys.”

“What about your car?” His very nice car, I had to admit.

“I’ll get it later.”

“But what if—”

“Dean, pardon me, but shut the fuck up and get in the god damn car! I’m taking you home, I’m cleaning you up, and you are going to fucking let me!"

Despite the pain that was making itself more readily apparent, I still felt attraction towards him for his attitude at the moment.

“Okay,” I said, chuckling softly. I was also strangely amused.

My laugh got him to soften a bit, a small grin tugged at his lips, the emotion partially replacing the anger seething in his eyes.

“And stop laughing,” he muttered as he helped me into the car.

That only made me laugh more. I must have a concussion.  Castiel was right. None of this was funny.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Dean gets home, Charlie freaks out about his injuries. Dean has his hands full trying to get the turmoil to calm down. Castiel takes care of Dean, and their new friendship begins to grow.

The second we walked into the house, Charlie saw, and even faster she was on the attack, going on and on and _on_ about what a shit Castiel was for doing this to me. Castiel ignored her, his goal getting me to a bathroom to clean me up. I didn't fight his lead and Charlie followed. While Castiel went to wet a towel to wipe off the dried blood on my face, I grabbed Charlie by the arms, gently, and firmly said:

“Charlie, _stop_. He didn’t start it! He stopped it. He saved me.”

She pushed my hands off her. “You’re so naïve, Dean! He may not have thrown any punches but he set it up!”

“Dean,” Castiel said softly, getting me to look at him so he could clean my face up. Being touched by him was such a surreal experience. He was so close, I could feel the heat of his body. His skin was soft, his touch gentle, warm. I hardly felt any pain. What I noticed the most were his eyes. Emotions raged in them, and I couldn’t look away. It didn’t take long to clean the wounds on my face, at the end of which he looked up into my eyes and softly murmured:

“There. That’s better.”

I won’t lie. I probably would’ve stupidly leaned in to kiss him if Charlie hadn’t made a noise of disgust and stalked out. I thanked Castiel, laying a hand on his arm a smidgen too long just before I chased after my sister. I managed to catch her just before she headed upstairs.

“Sis, wait a minute, you’re not being fair.”

“Dean, he can’t be trusted!”

“Charlie, just because he’s popular doesn’t make him a jerk!”

“That’s _exactly_ what makes him a jerk!”

I let her go, astounded by her black and white view.

“You really won’t see that Castiel is one of the good guys?”

“You got hurt hanging out with him. That’s all that I need to know.”

I started to call after her, getting pissed, when a hand rested on my shoulder and Castiel said:

“Just let it go. I’m used to it.”

I looked at him. “But you didn’t set it up.”

“I know that. You know that. Your brother knows that. But she needs to calm down before she can see that. Now, can I use your phone to call a cab?”

I shook my head. I was feeling better now. I could drive.

“I’m taking you back to your car.”

“Dean—”

“Castiel, I’m fine.” I held up my hand, which was steady. “See? No more shakes. Speaking of shakes, I was wondering if you wanted to stop at DQ on the way. My treat.”

Despite his best effort, a smile broke out on his face.

“You’re smooth, Dean Emerson.”

 _Like a milkshake_ , I thought but didn’t say.

“Yeah, I’d love that," Castiel continued, "But I’m paying.”

I opened my mouth to protest only to end up with his finger on my lips shushing me into silence. Every touch sent a thrilling sensation down my spine. I was always left wanting more.

“It was my friends that beat _you_ up. I’m paying for the god damn milkshakes. You better get the biggest one they offer.”

I moved his hand away. “Fine, but on one condition.”

“What’s that?”

“That you get the biggest one, too.”

He lightly punched me on the arm. “I never get any other size.”

I grinned at him and led the way out.

We had a fun time at DQ, getting to know each other a bit; you know…in between brain freezes. It was actually really easy being around him. He was laid back, laughed easily, didn’t judge, and actually listened. It was easy to forget he was popular and I wasn’t. When it was just us, it was just two teenage boys hanging out, having a good time. Things were simple.

We parted ways after getting to the park. He thanked me for the good times he had, I returned the compliment, and then headed home. I had a fire to put out. No, that wasn’t a pun because of Charlie’s red hair. She was in her room, glaring at her computer screen, her fingers flying across the keyboard at inhuman speeds. Okay, so they were obviously  _human_ speeds, but they were faster than anyone else's I'd ever known. I stood just outside her doorway, and lightly rapped on it.

“Go away, Dean,” she snapped, “I’m _busy_.” 

“Charlie, we both know I will stand here until you acknowledge that I’m here to talk to you about Castiel, so you might as well talk now and get it over with.”

She sighed heavily and slammed the laptop screen down.

“What, Dean? Nothing you say will convince me.”

I sure as hell was going to try anyway.

“You need to listen to me, baby girl. Castiel did not set this up. When his friends showed up, he was dead-ass shocked. Before you go say he’s an actor, he could’ve faked it, I’ve worked around him enough to know he’s not _that_ good; maybe someday, but not right now. He wasn’t faking it. He didn’t set that up. One of the parts you didn’t let either of us tell you was one of his friends held him back while one held me against my will and the other two beat me up. He was screaming at them to stop, fighting the one holding him back. Castiel was on my side, not theirs. He gave them a pretty bad ass chewing afterwards, and the emotion that I saw on his face  _real_. He was on the brink of tears he was so fucking pissed.

“You know I really like him. Well, that’s gotten stronger. He seems to enjoy hanging out with me. I enjoy hanging out with him. It may happen more in the future and it would be absolutely wonderful if my favorite lady didn’t want to tear him apart every time he was in this house. He’s an ally, sis. Put aside the fact that he’s popular. That’s not who he is. He’s so much more. Just give him a chance to show you that. Please. Castiel didn’t beat me up today. He stopped them from doing more damage. I got lucky.”

She was silent for a long moment, before she looked up at me and to my horror, I saw a tear roll down her cheeks. Guilt tore at my soul.

“Aw, Charlie—”

“I’m so sorry, Dean!” She got off the bed and ran into my arms. “I’ve been such a jerk!”

I held her to me, pressing several kisses to her hair.

“You thought you were protecting me. I love it when you do that. It’s just Castiel isn’t the threat. Sam is.”

She pulled back, shocked. “Sam?”

“That's the other part you didn't let either of us tell you. Sam told those friends where we were.”

Her eyes went wide.

“Why?!”

“I intend to find out.” My mouth set in a grim line.

<<<$>>>

Sam didn’t make it home until around six that evening. Our parents were home, Charlie, too, but I was the only one in the living room to greet him. Charlie had warned our parents that Sam and I were about to have a fight. I think they were in their room watching something with headphones in. If they didn’t hear us yelling, they wouldn’t feel compelled to intervene. Sam and I were old enough to work out our problems ourselves, and that was exactly what I intended to do.

I looked at him after he shut the front door, and the split second after he saw my bruising face, he stopped short, looking shocked.

“What the hell happened to you?”

I stood up, went over to him, and punched him in the face. My fist struck his jaw.

“You happened to me, you son of a bitch!”

God, I hoped Charlie was wearing headphones, too. Baby girl had had enough stress today.

“I didn’t do a damned thing to you!” Sam yelled back at me as he straightened, hand over his jaw. “Dean, what the hell?!”

“Yeah, Sam, what the hell?! Why the fuck would you tell his friends where we were?! What Castiel and I were doing in the park, which was just running lines to help him practice by the way, had _nothing_ to do with them! And what the fuck were you hoping to accomplish telling them I'm gay?!”

“I don’t know, alright?! I was mad at you! I didn’t think!”

I grabbed his shirt, letting the anger take over. “You’re god damn right you didn’t think, you fucking moron! They beat me up _because_ I’m gay! Castiel only barely got them to stop. You didn’t just hurt me, bro.” I shoved him back against the front door. “You hurt Castiel. You hurt our sister. She freaked when she saw me, and then she took it out on Castiel when she really should’ve been taking it out on _you_. You should’ve seen the look on her face when she found out _you_  were the reason those guys showed up.” I studied him. “I swear, I don’t fucking know you anymore.”

He shoved at me then. “Then you know how I fucking feel! Five fucking years, Dean! You hid this massive secret from me! You think that didn’t hurt me?! I don’t understand why you couldn’t trust me!”

“Because I was afraid you’d do something like _this!_ It's up to ME who I tell and when. I was afraid you'd run to mom and dad. I was afraid you'd spread the news before I was ready for others to know.”

I saw the tears he held back. “Then you never really knew me, Dean.” A single tear escaped as he brushed past and headed up towards his room. Tears snuck up on me as I watched him.

I couldn’t tell him why I had even thought that. I didn't know. I wiped the tears from my cheeks and went to the couch to try to distract myself. I began to wonder if Sam and I would ever be able to overcome this. It felt like our bond was permanently severed, forever.

I guess only time will tell.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things take quite the turn between Castiel and Dean.

At around eleven that night, just as I was about to go to sleep, Castiel sent me a text, which surprised the hell out of me.

_Hey, Dean, you still awake?_

**Yup, you almost missed me.**

_Oh! I don’t mean to keep you up._

_We can talk tomorrow._

**Nonsense! What’s up?**

_You sure?_

**Definitely sure, Cas. Please?**

_:) Of course._

_So I was just wondering if…_

_tomorrow, maybe, you wanted_

_to…uhm…go bowling._

**Bowling?! I mean I love**

**bowling but are there any**

**places actually open on**

**Sunday? This is a heavily**

**religious area, after all.**

(We lived Hernsville, Pennsylvania)

_Ohhhhh, I may just happen_

_to know an owner of one…_

_that will let us go bowling._

(Well, hell, I was intrigued.).

**You know what, you got me**

**curious as hell. Yes, that sounds**

**like a lot of fun. What time?**

_I’ll pick you up around_

_noon, sound good?_

**It’s a plan.**

(Yes, I had wanted to say “date”.).

_:D fantastic!_

_Now, GO TO BED._

(I laughed out loud at that.).

**LOL! Same to you, dude.**

_*Groan* Ugh. Fine, dad._

_Goodnight, Dean._

**Goodnight, Castiel.**

I turned off my phone, unable to stop smiling. Castiel wanted to hang out some more! Whoo!! Bowling on a Sunday meant we’d be alone. At least, I hoped. I couldn’t wait.

<<<$>>>

I was ready by ten-thirty and waiting impatiently for the next hour and a half to slide by. It was already taking too long. Charlie was amused that I was ready so soon.

“Well,” I told her, “he may get here early and I don’t want to be caught off guard.”

She rolled her eyes, said something about how I truly was hooked, and went back to her room carrying a tray of her breakfast. I decided to get some coffee and watch reruns, on Netflix, of a show I loved.

At eleven-thirty, a knock sounded at my door. I got up, stomach twisting with nervousness which got worse when I opened the door and revealed Castiel standing before me. He’d dressed up a little bit, making me feel massively under dressed. He wore a tee-shirt under a jacket, snug fitting jeans, and…were those cowboy boots?

All I had on were loose fitting jeans, a tee-shirt, and sneaks.

“I need to go change,” I told him.

He reached out and grabbed my arm right before I was going to head towards my room.

“No, it’s okay. These are my church clothes. I’m going to change when we get to our destination.”

I became curious. “You go to church?”

He hadn’t struck me as the religious kind.

He made a face of disgust. “Ugh, I only go because my parents make me go.”

Ohhh, okay.

I gestured to him to lead the way out. He did so, surprising me when he trailed his hand down my arm. Had that been intentional? There was no way…

In about half an hour we arrived at a bowling alley located _just_ outside the town limits. For a split second, I feared this was an attempt to hang out where nobody could catch us, and apparently my thoughts were obvious.

“I’m not ashamed to hang out with you, Dean.” Castiel’s baby blues locked with my green eyed gaze and I believed what he said. He must've held doubts about that, however, because he asked if I believed him.

I nodded.

He smiled. “I’m glad.” He patted my hand and then got out. I followed him into the building, startled that it wasn’t as empty as I’d thought it’d be. One man, looking to be in his forties at the most, stood by the front counter where one would pay for usage of one of the lanes and get their shoes.

“You must be the owner,” I guessed.

He smiled, nodding. I thought he looked eerily a lot like Castiel. I extended my hand; after all, manners first.

“You must be Dean,” the man stated, grasping my hand firmly in his.

“You know my name?” I asked as we shook hands.

“My son has told me a lot about you,” the man stated as he dropped my hand.

I looked at Castiel.

“Son??” I echoed.

Castiel smirked just a little bit. “Dean, this is my father, the owner of several of these bowling alleys across the state.”

My eyes went wide, and I felt utterly horrified. I was meeting his dad?! Looking like _this_?!

“Sir, I am so sorry for how I look. I swear to God, I usually—”

The man held up a hand as he laughed, silencing me.

“It’s quite alright, Dean. The point was to meet in an informal setting. You’re a fine young man. I don’t need you dressing fancy to see that. Now, Cas, you know the rules, right?”

Castiel nodded.

“Only one lane is allowed to be open, and I must abide by all safety regulations, which means Dean is not allowed anywhere but out here.”

Castiel’s father laid a hand on one of the boy’s shoulders and handed over some keys.

“You guys have free run of the food and drinks, just clean up after you’re done, and lock up when you want to leave. Have fun, you two.” The man walked out, leaving Castiel and I alone.

I was stunned.

“That…was your…father…”

He smiled. “That was my father.”

“And he just…lets you…”

Castiel nodded. “I grew up around these, and they all work the same. I’m gonna go start up the middle lane, stay here?”

I nodded. “Mind if I find my shoe size?” I asked at his retreating back.

“Not at all; while you’re at it could you find me a pair? Size nine.”

“Sure thing.”

Was I dreaming this? There was no way I was really bowling with Castiel, just us two. I mean…I _had_ to be dreaming this. I pinched myself to be sure and felt pain, so apparently this was real. I was going to have to work _real hard_ to not make any moves. Castiel and I were friendly at best. That’s all this was; just two guys, hanging out, as friends do.

He got back just as I finished putting my shoes on, and reached me as I straightened again, my shoes now tied. I decided to prank him, just a little bit.

“I couldn’t find your size, so I got you size eleven, is that okay?”

His eyes went wide for a fraction of a second before he realized that the shoes I handed him were a size nine.

“You assbutt!” He exclaimed, hitting me gently on my arm with the shoes.

I laughed. “Assbutt?”

“I _will_  hit you again, Dean!” Castiel threatened, grinning like an idiot.

I held up my hands. “Okay, I apologize. Will you forgive me, Castiel?”

“Yes, if you start calling me Cas. Everyone else does.”

I liked that, a lot.

“Cas it is, Cas.”

He rolled his eyes. “Just go get a ball, you goof.”

I went off towards the rack near the entrance.

We played one and a half rounds before things…well…got interesting. He’d kicked my ass in the first round by over a hundred points (what? I was rusty; I hadn’t bowled in forever), but in the second round, I was doing much better. I had just rolled my third strike in a row, officially putting me in the lead, and whirled to gloat about it. Only I never got around to it. He was much closer than I had ever expected him to be, and before I could think to comment he had my face in his hands, leaning in. I could’ve stopped him. I probably  _should've_  stopped him, but instead I kissed him back as his lips met mine...because I was selfish.

The kiss was everything I’d ever imagined, yet _more_. His lips were soft, gentle. While I held my hands at his waist, his hands roamed a little bit, one sliding into my hair. God, that felt nice. We drew closer, lips whispering over each other. My heart was thumping far too loudly; I worried that he could hear it. If he could, it didn’t seem to bother him any. He was amazing at this. I’d been kissed before but never this deeply, and certainly not for so long. 

Out of nowhere the insecurity started in, my brain now working overdrive on what was really just a simple, sweet, magical moment. So, being the idiot I am, I pulled away first.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things begin to really blossom as Cas and Dean talk about their crushes on each other, while Dean internally navigates his anxiety that's trying to blind him from seeing that Castiel really does want to be with him.

Cas looked hurt at first, and I immediately felt guilty even as confusion replaced his initial reaction.

“Too far?” he asked, not able to meet my gaze.

This level of insecurity was not something I had expected from him, but I could understand it.

“I just…don’t see…how you could possibly…” I took a breath, “be attracted to me like that.”

He looked up faster than I had expected, causing my head to sort of twitch back in surprise.

“Wait, so, you… _don’t_ regret the kiss?”

I wanted to laugh, still feeling his lips on mine in a ghost kiss. “I worry _you_ will," I replied.

His mouth fell open in a small “o” as the confusion greatened in his gaze.

“But I kissed you first,” he eventually spoke. We were close again, and he was playing with my shirt.

“And so did the other two in my past, who realized their mistake minutes after the kiss ended.” I had to admit, he wasn’t acting at all like they had. They’d put as much distance between me and them as they could muster without being blatantly obvious about it. _This guy_ was staying as close as he could get. I so badly wanted to just…let go of my fear…to enjoy the moment as long as it lasted, but a greater part of me wanted to keep me safe, and I was having a hard time ignoring the logic of it.

He looked up into my eyes now.

“Why do you think I can’t be attracted to you?” He asked then.

 _Here we go_ , I thought.

“Because I’m not your type.” I’d seen the guys he’d been with at school once he’d come out. They were your muscular, attractive types. I wasn’t lanky, but I wasn’t exactly good-looking, either. I wore whatever made me comfortable, not whatever was deemed stylish. I ate like it was my last day on earth. I didn't work out. My manners needed work. I had a lot of anxiety and insecurity issues.

Those guys had been gods.

“Those guys were chosen by my friends, not by me. I didn’t have the guts to tell them no. I wasn’t attracted to them at all. You don’t really know my type, Dean; just what the school deemed _should be_ my type.”

I swallowed; worried I had pissed him off.

“I’m sorry. I—”

“I don’t blame you. That’s what getting to know each other is for. I’ve been interested in you for a while, I just never found an opportunity to do anything about it.”

“Until our director…”

He nodded.

“How long?”

His eyes met mine. “Remember when you saved that kitten?”

I remembered instantly and was fucking _floored._

 _“_ Dude, that happened sophomore year!”

Two years ago.

Cas looked sheepish.

“Just…we were in the middle of some random English test, and all of a sudden you leapt out of your seat. The teacher yelled at you to sit your ass back down, but you said something about a kitten, a _kitten_ of all things, and ran off. Everyone watched as you reappeared outside the window. I’d never seen anyone climb a tree so fast. I was so sure the kitten was going to jump but it never did. It also didn’t run from you. The whole thing was over in less than five minutes but the fact that you willingly sacrificed a test grade to save an animal…not many would’ve done that; certainly nobody else in our class. It was amazing. I wanted to talk to you after, I wanted to say how awesome I thought you were, but my friends kept getting in the way. Time after time I’d come close to approaching you, and time after time something would get in the way.”

He’d had a crush on me far longer than I’d ever had one on him…all because I saved a cat?

“I just…I…”

_Two fucking years..._

He smiled and looked self-consciously down where his hands had stilled against my chest. Could he feel my heart beating faster than normal? Could he feel me struggle to breathe correctly? Could he feel the flutters in my stomach? Could he feel how badly I wanted to believe him?

“When you started looking my way more than usual, clearly interested, I was thrilled.” He looked up at me. “How’d that start, by the way?”

I swallowed. It was so stupid…

“It was awhile after you came out. Junior year I think is when it started. I…it’s really stupid.”

Cas just waited, patient, curious.

I sighed; I might as well get this over with. “It was during gym. And it was one of those days were the gym teachers just did not want to put in the effort so they brought out some supplies and let us do whatever we wanted. I was playing badminton with a bunch of friends but you, you were on the other side of the gym, playing a game of basketball. I don’t know why I was even watching, I love badminton I usually give all my focus to it when I play but there was a lot of commotion going on over there.

“I watched as the opposing team engulfed you, only to have you somehow make your way out and over to the basket. And then you fucking leapt into the air, higher than I'd ever known it was possible for you to jump, and easily dunked the damn ball, landing smoothly on your feet seconds later. It was the most graceful thing I’d ever seen. After _that_ , my crush grew as I saw how nice you were to everybody and how you would help anyone that had dropped their books, tripped, or gotten lost. Stuff like that."

“Dean, I don’t understand. How is that stupid?”

“I just…everybody always focuses so much on physical traits and I swore I’d never be like that but the thing that brought my attention to you was something physical and I just feel so…guilty.”

“You _noticed_ me because of something physical. Your crush grew because of my _personality_. There’s the difference. You like me because I’m a nice guy, not because I’m a nice _looking_ guy.”

I nodded. “You are cute, though; I feel like that should be said.”

“Dean?”

“Mm?”

“You’re cute, too.”

Immediately I rejected this. “No, I’m—”

“Very cute,” Cas interrupted, leaning in again. He didn’t kiss me though, and instead hovered just inches from my lips, seeing what I would do.

“You really like me?” I asked quietly. “You’re sure?”

He smiled. “Dean, I’ve never been more convinced of anything in my life.”

Everything within me wanted to be logical about this, which meant putting up those defenses and keeping him at arm’s length. I wasn’t worthy. I didn’t deserve this. He could find someone _so much better_.

…But I’d never felt this way about anyone else…and I…really…really liked it. So, I did the scariest thing I’d ever done in my life. I took that leap of faith, and I kissed him.

It was even better than the first time.

As the kiss progressed, I felt the strangest urge to sit down; I felt like I was going to fall at any moment. I remembered that we were by some tables, managed to slide a chair out, and slowly lowered onto it. He adjusted smoothly, straddling my lap. Our kiss never broke through all of this. Now that I felt more secure, I let my hands roam. Oh, I kept it above his waist, but he was thrilled nonetheless, something I knew by the way the kiss became more passionate.

It was when thoughts of sex began to run through my mind that I decided enough was enough; images of me stripping off his clothes, then mine here and now, lowering him onto his back, and then—

I pulled away. “Okay,” I mumbled.

Both of us were breathless.

Both of us were aroused.

Both of us had apparently had the same line of thought because Castiel immediately got off of me, pulled up a chair, leaned back in it, and looked up at the ceiling with his eyes closed. He was working to calm himself back down, and he muttered about needing a cold shower.

“Sorry,” I felt necessary to say.

He laughed. “I think you’re the only person in existence who’d be sorry for arousing someone.” He sighed and looked at me. “You constantly surprise me.”

I shrugged a shoulder, looking down at my hands. I couldn’t help it. Nobody had ever been interested in me before. I didn’t really...know...what to do with that.

“Let’s go out tonight.” I looked at him about to answer but he wasn’t done. “On a date. Officially.”

He was asking me out?

Oh…crap…my crush was asking me out. All at once the past, what was it, ten minutes or so, all sank in. I’d been making out with him?! I’d dared kiss him back?! What the hell had gotten into me?! No. I had to stop this. He…I…

“Dean. Dean!” Castiel leaned forward, grabbing my hands and squeezing slightly. “Dean, breathe. What’s wrong?”

“I am,” I said with great difficulty. “You can’t…like me. You can’t…you deserve…better…”

Castiel’s mouth was open slightly, his face an expression of shock mixed with confusion, until suddenly it wasn’t. His mouth set in a firm line, his expression one of determination.

“You listen to me, Dean Emerson. I may be popular, and you may be not, but that doesn’t define us. It shouldn’t define us. We are just two male teenagers who happen to be mutually attracted to each other. Fuck what the school thinks. I want you. You want me. We finally got our opportunity. Please. Let’s see where this goes. I want to date you. I want to be more. _I want this._ You _are_ worthy. Please?” He freed a hand to place on my cheek. “Please, Dean, please be my boyfriend.”

I swallowed hard. Those beautiful blue eyes with such beautiful passion in them. I remembered the passion that shone when we’d been rehearsing the play. I knew deep down it’d feel absolutely amazing to be loved by him, knew there’d be no limit to it. He’d try his damnedest to give me the world. I wanted that, so badly. I wanted to give it back. He deserved to be loved much the same. This anxiety, though, was making things far more difficult than they should be.

“I want to,” I said softly.

“But?”

“Anxiety,” I choked out.

He moved his hand from my face and returned it to my hands that rested in my lap. “What is the anxiety about?”

He...actually wanted to know? Nobody had ever bothered asking before. Abruptly he stood up and got on my lap again. Not straddling me, but sitting sideways, one arm around my shoulders, his free hand in one of mine, letting me play with it as I spoke with my free arm around his waist so he wouldn't fall off somehow.

“Uhm. Well. I’ve never had anyone actually date me before. Or be interested. I don’t know what to do with all of this…information. Or these feelings. I don’t know how to be a boyfriend. I’ve also not come out yet at school and the way your friends beat me up I’m not sure I want to but you’re already out and it wouldn’t be fair to hide this when you’re proud of who you are and I want to be proud with you and…I just…” I ran out of steam, falling silent with a little sigh.

“Dean, put a little trust in me. Be my boyfriend. I’ll show you what a liar your anxiety is. I’ll show you just how very worthy you really are. I can show you how amazing love really is.”

I looked up into his blue eyes, and though it scared me shitless, I said:

“Okay. I’d love to be your boyfriend.”

He beamed before leaning down to kiss me.

You know...I could get used to this.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Cas spend the day together, settling into their new relationship quite well. Charlie and Sam find out.

We finished out the second game we had started, and I had won by fifty points or so. Part of me wanted to gloat. Instead, I pulled out my phone, put on some music, pulled Cas to me, and began to slowly revolve.

“What are we doing?” Cas asked, seeming pleased by it nonetheless. He was goin’ with it.

“We are doing a thing called ‘slow dancing’, Castiel. You may not be familiar with this tradition, but humans that like each other sometime—”

He kissed me for a second.

“Shut up smartass,” he muttered with amusement.

I grinned, and went for another kiss. When the song ended the kiss still had not and I wasn’t about to fight it. When the kiss _did_ end, I turned the music off on my phone, and then was led to behind the food counter for lunch. Don’t take it like _that_. Jeez. We only _just_ started dating. For lunch we had nachos. We both knew how to cook, we just didn’t feel like it at the moment. We washed the nachos down with some coke sodas, and then decided to leave the place. I cleaned the shoes and put them back in their proper places, cleaned the bowling balls and put those back in their proper places while Cas shut down the lane we had used. Once outside, he locked the building, pocketed the keys, got out his car keys, and then asked where to.

That was the question. My mind was reeling from everything that had changed in the past, oh wow, two hours. It was now nearing three in the afternoon. It was a beautiful sunny day, and I thought a stroll through the park would be nice.

“Just so happens there’s a nature trail right behind this place,” Cas stated, “goes for at least four miles.”

“Oh wow.” I looked at him then. “You aren’t going to drag me into the middle of the woods and kill me, are you?”

He stared at me for a long minute. Then:

“That’s it! Date over! I’m taking you home!” He stalked off towards the car. I knew he was just kidding. I chased after him, laughing, and managed to catch my arms around his waist. In his ear, softly, I said:

“Okay, I’m sorry.”

“Mm, are you really?” he asked.

“Really, really,” and then I kissed his head above his ear. He melted against me.

“God, you’re a romantic.”

“Is that bad?”

He turned in my arms, wrapped his arms around my neck, and said:

“No. It’s a very, very good thing.” He proceeded to kiss me yet again.

We began towards the trail. On the way there, I felt his hand take mine, our fingers automatically intertwining. My stomach clenched as the flutters worsened and it took everything I had not to start squeeing like an idiot. I so badly wanted to jump up and down going:

“Eeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!”

But I kept my cool.

Mostly.

“You’re beaming from ear to ear,” Cas noted, also beaming from ear to ear.

“Sorry,” I said.

He sighed with a roll of his eyes. “Dean, you gotta stop apologizing for being happy.”

“It’s only okay if you’re happy, too.”

He stopped abruptly and stared right at me, looking absolutely floored. For a long moment, I was convinced I’d said something terribly wrong, but then he was in my arms, fervently kissing me. Seconds later he was hugging me. I held him close, loving every frickin’ second of this. Still, I had to wonder:

“What was all that for?”

“Nobody I’ve been with has ever said anything about my happiness.”

I pulled back to see if he was serious. He really was.

“You’re fucking kidding me. Nobody?!”

He shrugged, looking at something over my shoulder.

I calmed down.

“Cas.”

He slowly met my gaze. Firmly, I said:

“You deserve to be happy.”

Tears welled in his eyes and one ran down his cheek when he blinked just before his lips met mine.

“First day in, you’re already the best boyfriend I’ve ever had,” he murmured afterwards.

I smiled self-consciously. “I try.”

He pressed a kiss to my jaw, sniffled, and then buried his face against my neck.

“I’m sorry I made you cry.”

He laughed at that and held me tighter. I rested my head against his, wondering how the boys he’d dated had been so stupid. I stroked his hair then, which must’ve been something he hadn’t been used to because simultaneously he let out a groan and relaxed against me. So I did it again, and this time he let out a happy sigh.

If this is all it took to make him happy, I could do this, easily; I worried endlessly I’d fail him as a boyfriend, that I’d make him miserable.

Here's to hoping that didn't happen.

<<<$>>>

That evening, around eight or so, he dropped me off at my house, walking up to the front door with me and kissing me goodnight on the porch. Nobody flashed a light telling us to hurry up, so the kiss went on for a while before he pried himself away and told me he’d text me when he got home. I watched in silence as he drove off, and then walked, in a daze, into the house.

Charlie was _right there_ , and she’d seen everything.

“What was _that?!_ ” she shrieked excitedly.

“I was kissing Castiel,” I replied simply.

She hit my arm.

“No shit, Sherlock! How’d that happen?! What’s going on?!”

Realizing this was a moment I could use to try to make up with Sam, I asked her where he was.

“In his room, why?”

I grabbed her hand and headed there. Sam looked up as we walked in, and frowned at me before looking back at his book.

“I’d tell you to get out," he muttered, "but this is your room, too, so."

“I have news, and I want you both to find out, at the same time. So.” I gently pushed Charlie towards Sam’s bed. Sam made space for her, begrudgingly going along with this. He refused to look at me though, so I focused mainly on Charlie, who was so excited she could barely sit still.

My own brain couldn’t believe I was about to say the following words and needed a breath before I could get them out.

“I’m dating Castiel Stevens.”

Sam’s head snapped up, a look of utter shock on his face.

“WHAT?!” he _and_ Charlie exclaimed. Both even jumped up at the same time. Then the questions began.

“When did this happen?”

“How did this happen?”

“The guy you’ve been crushing on?”

“You had a crush?!” Sam looked peeved at that one. Okay, that was fair. They continued, however.

“Are you guys going to prom together?”

“How long do you think you’ll last?”

“Are you going to have sex with him?”

“Are you coming out at school tomorrow?”

“Yeah, what’s gonna happen at school tomorrow?”

“Are you happy?”

And then they were hugging me. When they pulled away, I told them everything that had happened. You know, a condensed version of it. At the end, Sam re-asked the question I’d been avoiding all day:

“What are you going to do at school tomorrow?”

I sighed and sat on the bed between them. “I have no idea. I’m not really ready to come out but I don’t want to be _that_ boyfriend that makes him hide, you know?”

Sam placed a hand on my shoulder.

“I’m sure he’ll understand that you want to remain hidden for the time being. Assure him it’s not going to be forever. It isn’t, is it?”

“No, of course not.”

“Communication, bro; learn from your mistakes and this relationship will thrive.”

Sensing a make up moment between us, Charlie bid us goodnight and left the room. I began, turning towards my twin.

“I’m so sorry I hid my secret from you.”

He sighed. “No, I’ve had time to think, and I guess I get it. You never really know how your loved ones are going to react.”

I nodded.

“And I’m sorry I got you beat up. I really didn’t intend for that to happen.”

I smiled a little. “Yeah, I realized that, too. Brothers again?”

Sam smiled and opened his arms. “Dude, of course.”

I hugged him, smiling.

“By the way, you and Castiel are _so cute_ together.”

I pulled back, suspecting…

“Yeah, I saw the make out session. I was in the kitchen.”

My eyes widened.

“I forgave you the minute you walked into my bedroom, Charlie in tow, and told me you had news to share with both of us.”

I sighed. “Of course you both saw.”

He grinned. “You look happy, though.”

I nodded. “He’s amazing.”

It still felt like a dream.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With the good, must come the bad.

At school on Monday, I honestly didn’t know what I expected to happen, but literally nothing changed. I walked in and there Cas was, hanging out with his friends. He looked up when I walked in and smiled, but that was it. I figured that was okay. We’d find time to hang out later, possibly during lunch.

It didn’t happen. He left with his crew, same as always. He was always with his crew, that god damn crew...

“I’m sorry, bro,” Charlie said, having watched Cas leave.

I shrugged. It was normal.

I just…couldn’t quite shake this feeling.

“Here,” Charlie offered me her soda. The one she got only once a week. It was a grand gesture, her offering me that, but I couldn’t possibly take it.

“Charlie, I’m fine. It’s not the end of the world. We just started dating, I’m sure things will change eventually.”

She looked worried.

“You’re sure?”

I glanced at the clock, twenty minutes before he came back, if he came early.

“I’m sure.”

The rest of the day went the same as it had started, and by the end of it, I was feeling massively bummed out. Until I got into my car and discovered a note left on the passenger seat.

Can ya guess who it was from?

 

_Dear Dean,_

_I know you must be really disappointed by now, having gone all day with nothing changed. I’m so sorry for it. I could make excuses but I’ll be honest, I just didn’t try hard enough to get away, to come see you. I thought of you often. I missed you. I swear—_

“I am not ashamed to be with you,” Cas’ voice sounded beside me, “You make me so happy, and some day we’re going to be together in that building, one way or another. Please forgive me. Yours, Castiel.”

I abruptly realized Castiel was literally sitting right beside me, having read aloud what I was reading. I stared at him for a long minute, struggling to believe he was here.

He smiled. “Hello Dean.” He placed a hand on the back of my head, and leaned in to kiss me. I dropped the note as I kissed him back. I hadn’t realized just how much I’d actually missed him until right at that moment.

He pulled away first.

“So, do you forgive me?”

I sighed. “I forgive you. After all, it’s only the first day.”

“Mm,” his hand played with my hair, “there’s no rehearsal tonight. Do you want to go out on a date?”

“What about homework?”

“Tell you what; let’s get two birds with one stone. There’s this marvelous diner in town. Let’s have dinner at, say, seven-thirty, I’ll pick you up, and we can finish our homework there, together, afterwards. I know the owner; he’s my uncle-in-law. He’d not mind a bit.”

I grinned. “And how many other family members of yours am I going to meet before the week is over?”

“Oooooh, you knowwww, _all_ of them.”

I let out a playful groan; he laughed, kissing me again. God, I loved his kisses.

“So,” I murmured against his lips, “you missed me?”

“So damn much,” his kiss after that carried so much passion my head felt like it was going to explode. It was sweet heaven.

Then he was gone and I had to get home.

“Sooooooo, who was that we saw you making out with?” Charlie asked, Sam beside her, both grinning. They’d been waiting at home to ambush me.

It was then I realized I’d just made out with another guy in the school parking lot.

“Oh, crap, who else saw?”

Charlie held up one finger, got out her phone, and then showed me an online video of what was clearly two dudes, making out in _my_ car.

Everybody knew my car. It was a sixty-seven Chevy impala, nobody else had one. The title:  _Castiel makes out with known nerd Dean Emerson._

My phone rang then, and I saw it was Cas. I answered.

“Hey, Cas.”

“I am so, so, SO sorry!”

“Saw the video, eh?”

“So sorry! I didn’t think! Oh, God, I’m such an idiot. I didn’t mean to out you like that. I swear to God I was fine respecting your wishes to keep this hidden for a little bit…” He went on. I let him for about a minute before I interrupted with:

“Cas, hey, it’s not your fault. Besides, I was going to come out anyway, this way is far easier. If anything, I'm worried about _you_.”

Cas’ breathing didn’t slow down.

"Dean, for fuck's sake, I'M fine. I'm already out! I..."

“Cas, I swear to God, I’m not mad at you. I’m not mad at anyone.” It, honestly, was kind of weird, but kind of nice. “Please, don’t give yourself a coronary over this. I don’t regret anything.”

He started to calm down.

“Are you saying you enjoy kissing me, Dean Emerson?”

I grinned. “Your words not mine.”

“Assbutt,” he said with a laugh. Then he sighed. “You’re okay?”

“I’m better than okay. Is tonight still on?”

“Oh, fuck yes. I’m picking you up.”

“Sounds great, I can’t wait.”

“I can’t either.”

Silence settled between us as neither of us hung up.

“We should probably start our homework,” I said slowly.

“Yeah, you’re right.”

Still neither of us hung up.

“I don’t want to go,” he admitted.

“I don't either; I've missed your voice.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake!” Charlie exclaimed. “Give me that!” She grabbed the phone faster than I could’ve thought to hold it out of her reach, and said into it: “Cas, he’s happy with you, it’s all great mushy-mushy-fun, but go start your freaking homework, you two will see each other four freaking hours from now, it’s not that long, you’ll fucking survive. Goodbye!” She hung up.

I stood there, gaping at her.

“Sis, that was a bit…over the top,” Sam spoke for me.

She sighed heavily, handing the phone back to me. “Well, I hate it when couples spend forever on the phone because neither of them wants to hang up. God.” She brushed past and headed upstairs.

I looked at Sam.

“What’d I do?”

He sighed. “I think she’s feeling left out…she’s the only one without a date now.”

Oh.

 _Oh_.

“We should…probably…” Talk to her.

“We will. Let her calm down, though. Let’s go do some homework.”

By six or so, I finished, and decided to pay my sister a visit. She was in her room, on her laptop, typing at superhuman speeds again.

“Sis?”

“What, Dean?”

“Do you not like Cas?”

Her fingers stilled, then resumed at a slower pace. She was about to lie.

“I don’t have a problem with him.”

“You’re lying.”

Her hands hesitated again.

“No, I’m not.”

“Charlie, you grabbed the phone from me and yelled at him.”

Her hands stopped completely.

“I don’t have a problem with him, Dean!”

I folded my arms against my chest.

“You have _a_ problem, at least.”

Her lower lip trembled and she bit it.

“Go away, I have work to do.”

If the doorbell hadn’t rung right then, I would’ve pushed further. She'd just lucked out. As I made my way downstairs, of which the front door was in full view, I nearly fell when I saw Castiel standing there, his face bleeding. Sam had gotten to the door first and was standing off to the side, looking as shocked as I felt.

“Cas?!” I ran over to him, stopping just short of running into him. “What the hell happened?!”

One eye was swollen shut, there were cuts both on one cheek and his forehead, the corner of his lip was split, and his nose looked broken.

“Friends beat me up,” he said quietly, sounding...numb. I couldn't describe it. “Pretty sure they broke my wrist.”

I looked down and saw that indeed his wrist looked…wrong.

“What the hell are you doing here?! You need to get to the hospital!”

“Here was closer.”

And then he passed out. Sam caught him. I went to grab my car keys, heart in my throat.

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They successfully get Cas to the hospital and find out the severity of his wounds. Cas and Dean must now deal with the aftermath as their feelings begin to grow stronger.

At the hospital, they told us he'd passed out from shock, not internal bleeding. His wrist was indeed broken and they'd put it in a cast. When we were finally allowed into the room, he was lying fully clothed in the hospital bed, arm in a bright blue cast. He smiled upon seeing me. I headed straight for him, took his face in my hands when I could reach, and locked my lips with his. His free hand he placed on my cheek as he kissed back. My siblings crooned behind me causing Cas to pull away to look. He didn't seem bothered, just surprised. I realized it was time to make formal introductions, even if they already knew who the others were.           

"Cas," I moved out of his line of sight, "these are my siblings, Sam and Charlie.” I gestured to each, “Guys,” I gestured now to my boyfriend, “this is Castiel." The trio mutually said hi to each other. I turned back towards Cas. "I am so sorry."

He looked at me, confused. "Why?"

"Because. If I hadn't kissed you in the school parking lot, none of this would've happened."

Cas now looked bewildered. "Dean, you're not serious."

 _Do I look like I’m joking?_ I wanted to shoot back (heavy on the sarcasm), but instead I remained silent, simply staring at him.

He sighed, leaned forward, and planted a soft kiss upon my lips. "I'm not going to apologize for being with you," he stated then, "I don't regret it for a second. We haven't even gone on first real date and already you got me hooked. You are not the problem, Dean, nor are you even a _part_ of the problem. They're the ones who beat me up. They're the ones full of hate. We shouldn't have to rearrange our lives just to accommodate their prejudiced thinking. There is nothing wrong with us. It's them. So, please, stop blaming yourself. Okay?" Speechless, I could only nod. Cas smiled a little then. "You're so adorable," he stated before pulling my face to his.

I disagreed, but I sure wasn't gonna argue the point _now_. When we began to ease apart, his parents walked in, intensely both worried and angry.

"Castiel!" His mother exclaimed, sounding horrified. Then she looked at me accusingly. His father was already staring at me that way.

"Mo—" Cas started, only to be interrupted.

"You," his mother snapped at me. "Explain yourself."

"Who the hell are you?" His father demanded. Had he already forgotten??

"Now wait a goddamn—" Sam started; I stopped him.

"It's fine, Sam. Mr. And Mrs. Stevens, my name is Dean Emerson. This is Sam and Charlie, my siblings. We are the ones that took your son to the hospital after he was beaten up by his friends."

"Mom, Dad," Cas spoke up, "this is my boyfriend," my stomach twisted with excitement. Until his dad grabbed me by the arm, dragged me to the door, and shoved me hard enough out of the room to cause me to lose my balance and fall backwards. My head knocked once against the wall on the opposite side of the hallway, hard enough to hurt but not enough for there to be damage.

"You stay the hell away from my son!"

From within the room I heard Cas arguing with his mom. His father went back in and closed the door forcefully before I could get a look at Cas. Sam helped me to my feet, while a couple of nurses asked if I was okay. I assured them I was fine, just kind of pissed.

"What the hell is up his ass?" I snarled.

"Wanna go in and demand an answer? I'll gladly help." Charlie offered.

As tempted as I was, I decided to just walk away. If they wanted to fight in calmer conditions, then I was gonna stand my ground. As of now, best let them calm down and we get home before our parents freaked out from our absence.

Upon getting home, we discovered the house empty; a note left by them that told us they were having a date night. The three of us looked at each other with grins and decided we wanted to watch something together. At first we thought movie, but as we perused the streaming site, we found a TV show we all wanted to watch. It was rare that the three of us ever did that, so we took full advantage of this special occasion.

<<<$>>>

It wasn't until nine that evening that Cas called me. I'd almost missed it entirely, as he called on my cell mere minutes before I normally would've shut it off for the night. After our initial greetings, I asked him how he was.

"Well, I mean, a broken anything sucks but at least it's not like...broken ribs or something." I agreed with him, and expressed my sorrow for his pain. He must've heard the unspoken guilt, or knew it was still around. "Dean, let me refresh your memory. This afternoon, I saw you get into your car and I followed. _I_ got into _your_ car, you didn't get into mine. _I_ initiated the kiss, and the make out session. _I_ made the choice to kiss you on school grounds. If anyone should be apologizing, it's me, for not taking into account in that moment that you were still in the closet. I should be apologizing to you for outing you before you were ready. I truly am sorry, Dean."

I should've been mad at him. Yet I wasn't. I already knew why. "Cas, I was ready, I was just being a chicken shit about it. I mean...coming out by kissing a guy I like that seems to like me back—"

"Seems to? Dean. I _definitely_ like you back. I like you back _a lot_."

I smiled big at that. "Is hardly a bad way to come out," I finished.

He chuckled. "Got ya smiling don't I?"

"Shut up," I advised, unable to stop the smile from growing.

He laughed; I enjoyed listening to him laugh, it was…beautiful.

After a couple minutes of silence I finally asked the question burning within me: "Are your parents okay with you dating boys?"

He sighed. "They say they are, but I suspect they're still adjusting. You're asking cos of what happened at the hospital, aren't you?" I didn't reply, because I knew I didn't need to. "I was not thrilled with that stunt, either. Believe me, the both of them got a very loud, very long lecture from me. I explained to them you were not at fault. I also explained if they dared interfere with this relationship, I would make sure there was hell to pay. I've never threatened them over a guy before, so it...it was something."

My heart leapt into my throat.

_I’ve never threatened them over a guy before…_

Still, my insecurity warned me to be careful.

“Sounds like it was quite the moment.”

He half-laughed, half-scoffed. “That’s one way to put it.”

I found myself apologizing again.

“Dean,” he said with frustration.

“Sorry!” I said automatically, and then cringed. “Sorry for that. Sorry. AH! Help.”

Now he laughed. “Why are you so cute?”

Both my heart _and_ my stomach started freaking out.

“I’m not,” I said quietly.

“Dean,” he warned.

“You’re the cute one!”

“Dean.”

God, I loved hearing him say my name, regardless to tone.

“Cas,” I shot back playfully.

“ _Dean_.”

I bit my lip to hold the laugh that wanted out.

“ _Cas_ ,” I mimicked.

“You’re damned lucky I’m not there right now or you’d sorely regret teasing me like this.”

My stomach flipped.

“Maybe I want that.”

No reply from him, so immediately I began to curse myself; stupid, stupid, stupid!

And then:

“I want that, too.”

That's when I forgot how to breathe.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And so begins Dean and Castiel's relationship. Right off the bat, they're met with challenges. This will either tear them apart, or make them stronger.

We talked for awhile after I got my breath back; at nearly midnight we hung up due to needing to be up at six for school even though school didn’t actually start until about eight. We both liked having some time to spare readying in the morning.

At school the following morning every kid in the lobby turned to look at me when I walked in. I hardly noticed. My attention was on the five-foot-eleven-inch black haired teen lost in a conversation with another male. My heart was pulling, trying to get me closer to him. He was unaware of the change in his surroundings. That focus was insanely attractive to me; I felt a desire to have him focused like that upon me.

After about a minute of silence, the heckling began, which ended up being a mixed chorus with variations of:

“Ew, the fag is here.”

“Go home, you sick freak!”

“You deserve to die, you aids magnet, be _fore_ you spread your fuck disease!”

Along with taunts such as:

“You want to suck my dick, pretty boy?”

“Bet you lay awake at night, rubbing one out to the thought of it being in my ass!”

“How sick do you gotta be to _actually_ want ass?”

“Someone needs to send you to a conversion camp!”

You get the gist. My favorite one was the one telling me that Castiel deserved better than a lowlife, bottom-of-the-barrel scum like me.

I stood frozen in place with my siblings behind me. I feared if I moved then the mob would attack. I found my gaze moving back to Castiel, and saw a friend of his approach him. Whatever the friend said caused Cas to look right at me. I felt an immediate pang of excitement in my stomach the second those beautiful blue eyes met mine. I also saw his expression soften despite the obvious stress he felt from the situation, and then he headed my way, kicking my heartbeat up quite a few notches. Many of his friends attempted to stop him, but he just pushed through, determined to reach me. Upon doing just that, he took my face in his hands and kissed me.

The lobby fell into silence.

Beyond that, I became lost in the kiss, which dragged for far longer than I realized it would. Those in the lobby just…watched (creepy, right?).

When quiet murmurs started up again, Castiel pulled away. My siblings, deciding I was safe now, left me to it, both heading towards their lockers. My gaze returned to Castiel, noting my main emotion was elation, although some confusion was there, too.

“Morning,” he said with a grin.

“G…go…uh…” Crap. I shook my head to try to clear it (not that it worked), and tried again: “Morning.”

He held a hand to my cheek. I loved the touch.

“You okay?” He asked, his thumb stroking the cheek a little bit. My stomach quivered with excitement.

“Wh…what do you mean?” I asked, unsure if he meant me specifically, or the situation, or the kiss, or…

“Everything; the kids, the kiss…you just seem to be struggling a bit.”

Oh.

“The kids I expected. Your kiss, you actually, I did not.”

Now _he_ looked confused.

“Me?”

I attempted a steadying breath, but my body went right on being all kinds of excited (no, not like _that_ …thankfully; last thing I needed was a boner).

“Well,” I spoke then, “you had to know I’d take the bulk of the bullying.”

His hand moved from my cheek to my arm, down my arm to my hand where his fingers then interlocked with mine. I struggled to keep my breathing even.

“Yeah…which is," here he raised his voice, " _STUPID OF THEM_ ," the outburst caught the attention of most of the students in the lobby, most of whom looked disgusted. I wanted to smile but fought it. He continued: “So what, though?” He flinched immediately after saying that. “No, wait, I didn’t mean it like that. I just…what does that have to do with me?” Here he closed his eyes and sighed. “That sounds worse.” Upon his opening his eyes again, I found myself instantly getting lost in them. This time I didn’t fight the smile. He really was so very cute.

“I understand. I just meant association with me…means they’ll bully you…or at least…try to pry you away from me. Either way, lots of drama, ‘cos, ya know, I’m bottom-of-the-barrel scum and what not.”

“Okay, Dean," he took my other hand, "you lis—”

Banging that sounded on the doors behind me caught his attention. I looked, too, and realized we were blocking the way in, had been for awhile (based on the size of the crowd out there). They’d waited because Cas was involved but I guess their patience had run out.

Cas led me to the side, partially in the hallway there.

I watched the kids stream in, each giving me a dirty look, quite a few flipping me off. There were a lot of them, so I was unaware that Castiel wanted my attention until he grabbed my face and made me look at him. Instead of looking mad, he looked as if he found this to be highly attractive.

“Sorry,” I murmured.

He shook his head slightly, looking as if he was cherishing everything he saw. Of course this was ridiculous, but either way, he was stroking my cheeks again. God, I loved it.

“Listen to me,” he said in a quiet, firm voice, “You’re not bottom of the barrel scum. They’re teenagers, they’re _idiots_. Their juvenile brains can’t handle the very _idea_ of being nice. It’s a foreign concept. And they're dead ass wrong. They’re bullying you most likely out of jealousy more than anything else.

“Jealousy?” I echoed…yet I understood. “Well, I suppose…” I heard how that sounded and rushed to correct it. “No, I mean, of course, it makes sense…you’re very…attractive I just…”

“Didn’t want to sound like my looks were the reason you were into me,” he finished for me. “Dean, I get it.” His hands moved to behind my head which he did as he moved closer, his arms now resting on my shoulders. He was so _close_. This seemed real…yet it also seemed so much like a dream.

A voice in my head was insisting I was a damned fool to be interested in someone like him because he was massively out of my league. Why did I want to regress into pretending I didn’t like him?

“Dean,” his tone soothed me out of my troubling thoughts.

“Cas,” I replied automatically.

He broke out in a wide smile and let out a soft laugh.

“The reason I want you is precisely _because_ you like me for _me_ and not for my popularity status or how I look. You’re not scum. You’re a treasure; hopefully mine.”

I would’ve asked him to marry me if I didn’t already know how insane that was. Words failing me now, I merely nodded at him. It may have only been a couple of days, but I knew I belonged with him. Something about him just comforted my soul. I felt like I was home.

“So. With that said. I was wondering if you’d wanna go out on a date tonight since...ya know...last night's got ruined.”

As I opened my mouth to answer (obviously yes), his dad rounded the corner, and abruptly my entire everything froze.

“Dean?” Cas asked, but sounded faint, as if he was far from here. “Dean? Dean!” He tried snapping his fingers. Then he turned and saw what was freaking me out. “Dad?!”

His father spotted us mere seconds before Cas had uttered the words, and upon seeing me, hatred seeped into his gaze. He headed straight for us, and I suddenly felt like running. I didn’t, but I did move several feet away from Cas, who looked at me with utter confusion as I did so.

“Dean, what the hell are you doing?”

His father reached us, his attention solely on me. He pointed a finger at me.

“That’s damn right, you freak! You stay the _fuck_ away from my son!”

“DAD!” Cas roared, grabbing not only my and his father’s attention but that of pretty much every being in the lobby. Castiel was _furious_. He launched right into it.

“Would you fucking stop it?! _HE IS NOT A THREAT TO ME!”_

“I am your FATHER. **I** decide who is and isn’t a threat!”

“Yeah, if I was a fucking child! I’m eighteen god damn years old! _I CAN FIGURE IT OUT MYSELF!”_

The pair stood staring at each other with equal expressions of fury. After several minutes of high-tension silence, I watched as Castiel’s breathing slowed, as his fists relaxed. His father, however, didn’t.

“How _dare_ you speak to me that way?! I let it slide in the hospital, thinking the pain had caused you to act out, but this is unacceptable!”

“Then maybe you should fucking listen to me, instead of trying to force me into being someone I’m not! Dean didn’t beat me up!”

“I can hear just fine, kid! He’s the _reason_ you got beat up. That’s not the same thing!”

“OH my fucking god! I ju…FUCK!” He started off towards the lobby, looking to get anywhere that was away from his father.

His father caught his arm. “You actually need to head with me to the principal’s office. We have some business to discuss.” Without waiting for Castiel’s consent, his father tugged him down the hallway towards the main office. I watched, helpless in fear. There I waited, to find out what was going on.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas' dad threatens to upend his son's relationship with Dean. Cas discovers that Dean truly is not like the guys he'd (Cas) been with. Dean discovers firsthand something shocking about his brother.

It took approximately fifteen minutes for them to come out and I’d not had time to ask a very stressed-looking Cas what was going on because two minutes prior, the bell signaling us to get to first period had rung. I’d waited as long as I could and heard the main office door opening, their voices spilling out behind me just after I’d passed it. I briefly considered turning back, so what if I was late to class, but then realized I was not the only variable in this equation. Cas would be late, too, and Cas was never late, being the model student and all. This was okay. If his approach earlier had signaled anything it was that we’d hang out more throughout the day, whenever our schedules allowed, that is.

Sure enough, at lunch, I was mid-sentence explaining to Sam how a vampire could totally kill a werewolf (Charlie was not with us) which was a question he’d asked based on a movie we’d recently seen, when a guy slid in next to me and rested his head against mine. I’d known by the guy’s scent that it was Cas, but naturally the affectionate touch confirmed it. Plus Sam wasn’t looking alarmed.

“Hey,” I said with surprise, lightly resting my hand on Cas’ knee. “No lunch with friends outside school?”

“Not today. I’m in no mood for their protective bullshit.” He changed the subject, “how are you?”

Sam was staring at his tray. I worried he was feeling like a third wheel but he didn’t look uncomfortable. If anything, he looked like he was holding back some emotion.

I looked back at Cas, and caught him staring at me wistfully. I felt self-conscious.

“You’re so beautiful,” he said.

Oh, god. I tried to look away to hide the blush that now crept into my cheeks, but Cas turned my head back towards him. “I’m not lying.”

“Cas, what’s wrong? I’m not…I…you’re the one that’s beautiful.” 

“Oh my god!” Sam burst out, “You are so fucking cute!”

We both looked at him just as he snapped the picture on his phone.

“Sam!” I objected.

Sam held no regrets as was evident in the slightly-evil cackle that escaped him. I'll admit, that was pretty funny to behold.

“Kiss me,” Cas said.

That sentence massively bugged me. I mean, why would Cas want my _straight_ brother to kiss him…until I looked at Cas and realized the guy had meant _me_. Thing was…he was clearly upset, and as much as I desperately wanted to feel those lips on mine, I felt like I’d be taking advantage if I did so right now.

“Cas, I want to—”

“So do it!”

“But—”

“Dean.” His eyes flashed dangerously, warning of his temper.

“No, listen!” I persisted. “If I kiss you right now, I’d feel as if I was taking advantage of you. Clearly you are upset and I just…respect you too much…” I trailed off as tears welled in Cas’ eyes. “Cas?”

Had I hurt him this badly??

Without a word, he got up and rushed out of the room. I looked at Sam, so horribly confused, and starting to mentally beat myself up.

“Dude!” Sam urged. “Go the fuck after him!”

Oh! Right!

I hurried. Just as I exited the cafeteria, I saw Cas disappear into the bathroom. I followed, walking in on him leaning over a sink, body trembling as he attempted to stifle the sobs that were not going to be held back. I said nothing, merely walked over and pulled him into my arms. I expected him to resist. Instead, he leaned heavily against me and broke down.

It ran its course in ten minutes, and he left my arms shortly after to clean himself up.

He sniffled as he wiped the moisture from his cheeks.

“Guess I’m not so beautiful now,” he mumbled, glancing at himself in the mirror before reaching for a paper towel and blowing his nose.

“You’re wrong,” I said softly.

He looked at me with surprise. “Oh?” He sniffled again, wiped his nose, then tossed the wad into the trash.

I moved in closer and took his hands. “Cas, what’s wrong?” I could tell he was about to say _'nothing_ _'_ , so I stopped him. “And don’t bullshit me. Nobody breaks down over nothing. Was it me?”

He scoffed, and slapped my cheek…only…it wasn’t really a slap. It was more like one single pat, firm enough to send his message but nowhere near firm enough to cause any pain at all.

“Next time, it will hurt,” he warned. “You’re amazing. Hell, I’m crying _because_ you’re amazing.”

Uh. “But I thought you said—”

“You’re not the reason I cried, Dean,” Cas said firmly. “Stop thinking that. I cried because my father is trying to pull me out of school to home school me because he thinks I’m in danger because of you. I started crying because you proved him wrong in the cafeteria just now. You’re the first guy to ever notice that I’m not feeling like myself. You’re the first guy to tell me no to a make out session because you were concerned about me. You’re the first guy to be conscientious about not taking advantage of me. Dean, do you get it? You’re the first guy to fucking _care_ like that. And I just…” his breathing hitched, choking off his words. After a few seconds he got it back under control. “I cried mostly because I’m so fucking frustrated that he won’t give you a fucking chance.” He took a deep, shaky breath, and then looked down at my hands, still holding his. “I feel like suddenly I’m fighting the whole world just to keep you.”

I swallowed hard. On the tip of my tongue I desperately wanted to say: _then maybe I’m not the right one for you,_ but I couldn’t. Normally I would in a heartbeat, and the guy would get pissed and I’d never hear from him again but Cas…Cas was different. Cas was more.

“You’re not gonna be fighting them alone,” I told him.

He looked up at me with great surprise. “Those are not the words I expected to come out of your mouth.”

I smiled faintly. “It’s new for me, too.”

He moved in closer.

“You’re not just talking about what you said.”

No, no I was not. The past guys I’d dated, if you want to call it that, I’d been in fight or flight mode, with the needle solidly on flight. I didn’t feel that with Castiel. I felt at peace. I felt…safe. I trusted him, which is not something that comes easily for me.

Cas put his arms on my shoulders, and I assume crossed his wrists behind my neck.

“Will you kiss me now? I promise it’s okay,” he said softly.

“You’re really sure?”

He smiled, looked down for a moment, took a few steadying breaths, and then looked back up at me. “I’m sure, Dean.”

So I kissed him. We soon realized where we were standing and how gross that was, so we moved out into the hallway and resumed kissing until a teacher, sounding amused, told us to break apart and get back into whatever classrooms we were supposed to be in. Cas and I walked hand-in-hand back into the cafeteria, and thus began our beautiful, wonderful, mesmerizing, fantastic, glorious, amazing, mind-blowing, I’m running out of things to say…relationship. I’d never been happier.

 

Senior prom; not a thing I would normally have any interest in attending, but my *see list of adjectives previously used above* boyfriend (whom oh-so-marvelously talked his father down from home schooling him) wanted to go, and I was not about to say no. It’d been six months, to the _day_ , that we’d been dating, and that evening after another successful date, he popped the question after a slight make out session on the porch. I had kissed him so often and stared at his lips even more often that I could pick him out in a crowd if they were all wearing masks with the lips exposed.

Anyways…of course I said yes.

And then we made out some more.

And then he went home and I went into the house with a boner. That’d been a thing lately. I hated that my mind was becoming too focused on the idea of having sex with Cas. I’m sure Cas didn’t have thoughts like that. Because why would he? I wasn’t sexually desirable.

Anyway.

Oh! Charlie got a girlfriend! Yes! I know! It’s been about four months but I’m still so super excited for her. She seems so happy, and her girlfriend was the greatest damned human (after Cas) that ever existed. Things were so fun whenever Shaunessa was around. We usually called her Nessie. Tonight the pair were together on the couch, cuddling and adorably asleep, while a rom-com played on the TV in the background. I snapped a picture of them and then snuck on past as quietly as I could manage on floors determined to give my presence away. They were deep asleep, just my luck, and I made it successfully to my room…where my brother was in the middle of _it_ with his girlfriend. They didn’t notice me, so I quickly backed out, wishing like hell I could burn my eyes right out of their sockets, reach into my brain and sear that memory right the fuck out. The funniest part was they weren’t even being quiet. My head had really been in la-la land (okay, Cas land) for me not to have heard them.

I decided to ask Cas if I could come over. In about two minutes he replied with one word.

Yes.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas and Dean can't seem to part from one another and they take things to the next level.

I’d expected his father to open the door, see me, and slam it shut in my face with or without uttering a profanity or two. Cas opened the door however, looking amused.

“Ya know,” he commented in a tone that notified me that he was about to be a smart ass, “I could have sworn I’d seen you just twenty minutes ago. In fact, it’s almost as if we’d just gone out on a date.”

I gave him a sarcastic laugh. “You sayin’ you tired of me, Cas?”

“You sayin’ you can’t bear the thought of being apart from me, Dean?”

We stood in the doorway for a long two minutes staring at each other before he grabbed me by the shirt, pulled me in against him, and locked those sweet lips of his with mine. The kiss was short and left me reeling.

“Get in here.” Cas lead the way. I closed the door behind me. The first thing I noticed was the quiet. It was about eight in the evening, usually his parents were home, in the living room, which was dark.

He had siblings: Gabriel, Balthazar, and…I shit you not…Lucifer. His parents had a thing for angels, I guess? All his brothers were older and already out on their own.

“Are your parents here?” I asked him, wondering if maybe they were elsewhere in the house.

“No, they’re gone for the night.” My stomach jumped as Cas looked at me, “Friend of dad’s landed in the hospital.”

“Man, that sucks." I hesitated for a moment. When he didn't say anything, I continued with: "So, we’re alone.”

His expression turned curious. “Yes. You trying to say something, Dean Emerson?”

I realized I could say yes and he’d likely let things…happen…but I was a virgin still, and scared out of my wits about doing something like _that_ (I mean, _that_  is a huge deal), so I instead smiled as I shook my head at him. I swear he looked disappointed.

“Not that. I am afraid of your dad, though.”

The disappointment melted away with his laugh. Taking my hand, he led me to his bedroom. I’d never actually been in his room before; his parents never let me out of their sight whenever I visited. Upon getting there, I had expected a mess in all honesty. I mean nearly every person I’d ever hung out with had messy bedrooms. I, myself, had a messy bedroom. Cas’ room, however…was immaculate, pristine, spotless. I stood in the doorway, gaping. Much like him, his room was mesmerizing.

“Your dad issue military-rigid cleaning protocol or something?” I asked before I could stop myself.

Cas shook his head. “No, actually; I do it for the sake of my mental health. A clean room makes me feel less cluttered in, less trapped if you will.”

I found myself feeling more drawn to him than ever. He found my staring to be me judging him, however.

“What?” he asked defensively, “got a problem with that?”

My defenses shot up, and it took everything I had not to revert into flight mode. Cas meant more than they ever had.

“No! Cas! I’m so sorry.” He thawed as my pride bitched which I ignored and pushed on with my apology: “I’m mesmerized by this, by you, Cas. I…”

He came over to me, placed his hands on my face, and spoke in between the kisses he planted all over my face.

“I. Am. So. Sorry. Of course. I. Know. I’m. Such. An. Idiot.” He pulled back as a laugh bubbled out of me. “Hey. Why you laughin’? I’m bein’ serious!”

I put my arms around his waist as emotions drowned me in waves.

“I love you,” I said, giving him a kiss. He didn’t kiss me back, and that’s when it hit me. I froze. Cas eased back slowly, eyes wide. The emotion in them surged rapidly between shock and total wonder.

“Say that again,” he whispered.

I swallowed, scared that I now wouldn’t be able to do that. Not because I hadn’t meant it, but because of the enormity of those words.

“I…” I realized my anxiety had been working overtime again; the feelings were there, clear as day. What had I been so worried about? “I love you, Cas.”

He pulled away from me entirely, hands covering his mouth. As he turned away from me and began to pace, I began to worry. Had I said—

He whirled towards me, then.

“I love you, too,” he said clearly, if not a little bit loudly. There was some fright in his eyes (love was a huge deal, too, after all), but I saw he held no doubts. My smile returned with the elation.

“Yeah?”

He let out a laugh and ran into my arms. I caught him, used the momentum to spin around, and kissed him as I set him back on his feet. He loved me! My brain was full of excited gay screaming.

“Do you want to have sex?” Cas asked.

My world froze again. _What_ had he said?

“Sorry?”

He looked mildly puzzled.

“Do you want to play on playstation X?”

I blinked. Oh.

Oh!

“Yeah! Sure! Sounds fun.”

We played a racing game that required us taking turns with a controller because it didn’t support two controller gaming. Laughter came as easily as the teasing. In between tracks we’d kiss a little bit. It was very fun. Time with Cas was always fun.

Around ten-thirty, a loud clap of thunder startled me into dropping the controller. Before Cas had time to make fun of me, the power went out.

“Shit!” Cas hissed.

“Uh, Cas…” The room was pitch black and my claustrophobia was kicking in. He knew of it, having found out the hard way when an elevator we were in stalled and the lights went out.

“You’re okay, Dean,” he assured me. His phone’s flashlight turned on and illuminated the entire room and then some. Cas gazed at me, concerned. He was standing. “Better?”

I nodded. It was already just a memory.

He smiled and helped me to my feet. “Come on, let’s go find some candles.”

They were located in, for lack of a better term, a storage room (which was a spare room they'd chosen to use for odds and ends). We got only three, found some matches, brought with us some water in case something should happen, and went back to his room. We put one on his nightstand by the bed, and one on his desk. The third one went on the TV stand.

After this, golden candlelight flickering all around us, he turned to me.

“You can go home if you want. Since there’s not much to do until the power comes back on, and I don’t want you feeling bored.”

I studied him. “Do you want me to go home?”

A slight smile pulled at his lips. “Dean, you know the answer to that.”

 _No,_ was my first thought, but then:

_But what if this time it’s different? What if he’s starting to get tired of me? What if—_

A kiss on my lips surprised me out of my downward spiral.

“I always want you to stay,” he whispered afterwards. His hands on my hips pulled me in closer, he nipped a kiss at my lips and then put his head over my shoulder and began to sway. I needn’t ask what we were doing. It was obvious. I moved with him, absolutely loving this.

That's when things began to evolve between us.

“Dean?”

“Mm?”

“Do you, uhm, ever…uh…” he let out an awkward laugh. “Uh, never mind.”

I leaned back to look at him in the romantic lighting. He met my gaze for a literal second before looking away over my shoulder. He was clearly uncomfortable, and most of me wanted to just drop it, but a teeny tiny part of me, my intuition maybe, had an inkling of what this may be about, and I wanted to know for sure.

 _Don’t push him,_  logic warned.

 _But you want to know,_ my intuition replied.

_Clearly he’s not comfortable; keep your promise to respect him. Don’t push._

_There’s a way to push while being gentle about it,_ intuition argued.

I decided to try. If a gentle push caused him to burrow further I would stop, apologize, and hope the moment hadn’t been ruined. Okay.

“Cas, what…uh, what are you, if you don’t mind my asking, talking about?”

His body relaxed against mine all at once, while he tightened his arms around me.

“You are always so gentle with me,” he murmured. “I love it.”

Hmm, yes; but that didn’t answer my question, did it?

“I try,” I murmured back.

He took a deep breath.

“Okay. I don’t know why I’m so nervous but. Okay. Uhm. Do you ever think…uhm…about s…sex...uh...I mean with...with me?”

The sound of brakes squealing sounded in my head. Right after that, I was downright convinced that I had misheard him. I had the first time after all.

“Uh, did I hear that right?”

“Sorry.” He pulled away from me then, and went to go sit on the bed, staring at his hands in his lap. I stood for a moment, watching him, feeling just as awkward as he seemed to feel. Abruptly, I wondered why. I mean…we were in a relationship, sex was often a part of relationships, we’d been going out for six months. We weren’t exactly strangers. So, I took a deep breath, joined him on the bed, and said quietly:

“I have. A lot, actually.”

He looked at me, intrigued. “Really?”

As my stomach twisted with anxiety, I realized if anything was going to happen (not tonight just…whenever), I needed to be completely honest with him. I had to be completely open.

“Really.”

“You never made a move, though.”

“Because I’ve never…”

His eyes widened for a split second with understanding. “Oh!” Then he looked relieved. “Me, too.”

I tried to hide my surprise as best as I could, but I must’ve failed, or he could predict how I’d react because he said:

“Yeah, I know. Everyone at that school thinks I’m experienced but when it came down to it, and pretty much all of them tried to get me to do it, I just…couldn’t.”

“Any idea why?” I asked him.

“Because it never felt right.” He looked at me. “You know?”

I held his gaze, and then placed a hand on his cheek. “More than you know, Cas.” I gave him a soft kiss before taking my hand away. “More than you know," I repeated softly, mostly to myself.

 


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The pair learn to trust each other in a vulnerable moment. This takes them to all new emotional heights. It's scary for sure, but nothing has ever felt better, or more right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is mild smut in this chapter. I apologize, as well, for any inaccuracies regarding anything sexual. This is basically how I envision it'd be like since I've no experience myself.

Silence fell between us as one of my hands toyed idly with his. There was a question burning on my mind at the moment but I was locked in a debate of whether or not I should actually ask. On the one hand, I mean, it’d be nice to know. On the other, would he see me as completely self-centered? Or worse, would he think I was trying to push myself upon him?

Choices…choices…

“What’s on your mind?” he asked me, startling me so bad in the silence that I jumped. A laugh bubbled out of him as he looked at me. “I’m sorry I scared you.”

I let myself relax. “It’s okay. I got lost in my thoughts in the silence. Uhm.”

“You have something you want to ask.”

I nodded.

He studied my gaze for a moment. “But you aren’t sure how I’m going to react.”

Again, I nodded.

“Try this: trust me. Be open with me. I want us to go a long way and the only way that happens is if we open up to each other, completely.”

I knew this, yes. I heard him, too: stop trying to protect his feelings and just be honest with him. Okay. I could do that. Of course, that didn’t mean it’d be _easy._

“I was wondering…if you think, maybe...uhm...it might feel right with me? Not right now, I swear.” Once I got started, I couldn’t stop. “I mean, I’m interested, ultimately, of course, not saying you’re not desirable. Oh god. I mean you’re very desirable. I just didn’t want to seem like I was push—”

His lips on mine shocked me into silence. He ended up breaking the kiss when a smile broke out on his face mere seconds later.

“Dean Emerson, you’ve no idea the pull you have on my heart. It would most definitely feel right with you. Whether we do it now or later, I know in my soul that when we do go all the way, it will be everything I’ve ever dreamed it’d be. You’re my someone special, do you see?”

I had no idea the pull I had on his heart? _He_ had no idea the pull he had on _my_ heart! Before I could tell him this, however, he laid a hand on my cheek and leaned in for the kiss. I melted into it, forgetting everything else.

That’s when his hand slid to the crotch of my jeans. The moment I would’ve spent freezing had this been anyone else was spent instead unfastening my jeans so he could get his hand inside. The sensation of being touched by someone else was electrifying. At least, that’s how it felt for me. My breathing caught for a moment, causing Cas to pull away, hand stilling.

“You okay?” He asked with deep concern.

That concern soothed me. My breath came back, accompanied by a smile.

“I’m good.” Hell, I was more than good.

He smiled in reply. “You know. This might be easier without your pants on. But it’s up to you.”

He was right. Was I ready for that? Looking into his eyes told me that I needn’t be so scared. This was Cas. He would not hurt me.

 _Trust me_ , he’d said earlier.

So, I did just that, and I took off my pants. Cas began to move his hand again. As this went on, it began to dawn upon me that this really wasn’t fair to him. Also, in all honesty, I was curious if he was aroused, too. Without thinking, I put my hand on him to find out. He stopped what he was doing and looked at me. I had withdrawn my hand seconds after I’d felt him, but still the guilt continued.

“I’m sorry. I should’ve asked.”

Ugh, why hadn’t I asked??

Without a word, he took his hand out of my pants. I wasn’t surprised. I had cro—I became aware of the fact that he was taking off his pants, too, and at the same time, this answered my question from earlier. I stared at the bulge his underwear did nothing to hide, shocked by the size of it. More than ever, I wanted to touch. Even more surprising to me was the fact that a part of me wanted that in my mouth. I froze, unsure what to do and feeling guiltier than ever for wanting to do such a thing. Why did I feel so guilty? Was that normal?

Cas’ lips turned up in a slight grin, as if he understood. He sat back down beside me, took my left hand and eased it past the elastic band of his underwear. His hardness was astonishing to me. I found myself requesting him to take off his underwear. Well…okay, so I sort of demanded it. Right after my outburst, as he sat there looking surprised, I collected myself and apologized. He relaxed, and then did as I asked, exposing himself entirely. Oh, I felt so…dirty…staring at him and yet…so very, very turned on.

I blinked from my reverie when he suddenly moved away from me again. Automatically I began to doubt myself, and stared at the floor convinced I had done something very wrong. Had I not been allowed to stare? I didn’t know what I was doing! Of course, that was no excuse. I should’ve asked—

“Dean,” Cas said gently.

I looked up and to my surprise saw he was both still aroused (part of me had been convinced he suddenly hadn't desired me anymore) and holding a bottle of what looked like gel.

_Ohh!_

I felt my stomach muscles tighten, though I don’t know why.

“Is that…”

He walked back over to me, and sat back down.

“Lube, yes. Trust me, it helps.”

I swallowed. “Cas?”

“Hmm?”

His blue eyes pierced right through my very soul. “I’m very nervous.”

He set the bottle behind us on the bed, took one of my hands in his right hand and used his left hand to ease my face towards him for a soft kiss. The kiss, like every one that had preceded it, relaxed me.

“It’s just me,” he murmured. “We can stop any time you like, it’s okay.”

No, I didn’t want to stop. I didn’t necessarily want to go all the way, but I didn’t want to stop.

Without a word, I took the bottle of lube and squirted a little onto my hand. The first stroke I did, he let out a soft sigh. So I tried again, saw that he seemed to be liking it, and continued on. He murmured advice to me; grip harder (I needn't be quite so gentle; a firm grip would not hurt him), go faster, longer strokes, shorter strokes, slow down, etc. When he drew near to orgasm, his hips started to move, and I just went with it. Watching as he came, I studied his face the most. The wide eyes staring up at the ceiling, the little “o” his mouth made, then it all relaxed and he looked quite...satisfied.

I felt so excited that I had successfully brought him pleasure. A minute or so later he had recovered and handed me a tissue for my hand. An interesting expression appeared on his face, seeming to rest mostly in his gaze. It seemed almost sly. I couldn't really identify it entirely.

“And now it’s your turn,” he said with a grin, squirting some of the lube onto his hand. I took off my underwear finally, realizing it was just easier this way. He went to it.

Oh, my god, he’d been right. The lube made all the difference. I wanted so badly to thrust into his hand, envisioning all the while thrusting into him, and it drove me up the wall. It seemed to take forever for that sweet release to come, but when it did, it was the most powerful one I’d had yet. Doin’ it yourself was one thing, but having someone you loved do it...God. What a feeling.

Unfortunately, neither of us got the chance to really enjoy this moment with each other because right then his parents, namely his dad, called out from downstairs, asking if Cas was home.

“Oh shit!” Cas exclaimed, jumping up from the bed and hastily redressing. I was already doing the same, trying very hard not to panic.

“Cas,” I hissed, “your father…”

“I know, I know. Let me think.”

We heard footsteps coming up the stairs, and that’s when I noticed the lube was still out on the bed.

“Lube’s still out,” I commented, the strain clear in my voice.

Cas whirled towards the bed, saw it, swore, started to go for it, and then froze when a knock sounded on the door.

“Cas?” His father called out (my anxiety spiked through the roof, stealing my breath), “you in here, kiddo?”

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!” Cas hissed under his breath. Aloud, he said, “Yeah, dad, I’m in here but I’m not decent, give me a minute!”

“I’m not coming in, bud, I was just making sure you were home. Your mom and I are very tired. We both wish you a good night.”

“Goodnight! Love you!” Cas called out, looking so adorably like a deer in headlights. I know now really wasn’t the time, but I couldn’t help feeling in awe over how close I felt to him. I couldn’t imagine what it was going to feel like when we went all the way, and I couldn’t wait to find out. I would wait, of course, as long as it took for him to feel ready.

After waiting a few minutes with bated breath to see if either parent opened the door to enter (which didn’t happen), Cas and I let out our breaths in a mutual whoosh. He then headed over to his bed and fell onto his back with a groan.

“Fuck me, that was too close.”

I felt my loins twinge with pleasure (I don’t know why) and couldn’t believe how badly I wanted more. Cas sat up after a minute, saw me staring at him, and smiled.

“What you lookin’ all happy for?” He stood up and came over to me. “You like almost getting caught?”

“No,” I corrected, my arms going around his waist as the scent of him surrounded me again (it was sort of a sweet smell, one I couldn’t really identify; it wasn’t overbearingly powerful like most male scents sold in stores), “I like how close I feel to you. I like being with you. I like what we just did. Hell. Like is too weak. I _loved_ it.”

He was beaming now. “Well, nothing left to do except tell you that I feel exactly the same.”

My whole body seemed to leap with joy (you know...internally). “Yeah??”

He laughed at this and went to kiss me.

“Dean, I do believe you are just the most adorable guy I’ve ever dated.”

I blushed at that. “I am not adorable,” I grumbled, trying my best to be pouty. I didn’t pull it off worth a damn; I was feeling far too good.

Another kiss was shared and then Cas snuck me out of his room and out of the house. Parting truly was a great sorrow now more than ever.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After such a blissful moment, is it really all that surprising when things blow up? After all, where this is good, there must be bad.

Getting home again, I walked, fully grinning, into the house to be met by my parents, Charlie, and Sam all staring at the door I’d just walked through. So, basically, they were staring at me.

“You look worried, fellas,” I commented lightly as my grin faded.

“Do you realize how late it is?” my sister commented.

I glanced at my watch and to my utter surprise, saw that it was nearing eleven thirty. Had I really been gone that long?? It sure hadn’t seemed that way.

“We all tried calling you, you never answered,” my father commented.

Reality crashed in on the last of my high and I realized just how much trouble I was in. Automatically I reached into my pants pocket, got out my phone, and checked it. Yup, there were the missed calls. I checked the volume and discovered it was on silent. I didn’t remember putting it on silent. I must’ve accidentally hit the volume control somehow…but when?

Oh, wait! I’d done it on my way to dinner with Cas. I hadn’t wanted anything to interrupt our date, which had gone so very well that I’d forgotten…ah…yes.

I explained this to my family (being careful not to mention that I'd been out on a date with Castiel), and I apologized for my shortsightedness. Mom sighed when I finished, and hugged me.

“We’re just glad you’re safe.”

I didn’t know what to say to that so I just stood there awkwardly, hugging her back.

“Don’t think this means you’re not out of trouble, mister,” my father said. “You still haven’t explained what in hell’s name you were doing over at Castiel’s so late at night??”

My gaze flicked to my brother, whom looked confused the minute he saw.

“Why are you looking at me?” he asked aloud.

And then he got it. His eyes went wide for a split second, returning to normal just as our parents both looked at him for answers. He waited until they looked away again before mouthing:

_Please don’t tell them._

“Dean, you need to answer my question,” our father prodded. Dad was usually a very patient man, but it was late, and he was tired. Thus, if I didn’t tell him in the next minute, things were about to get very ugly. I hoped Sam could forgive me for this someday.

“I was at Castiel’s because when I got home from hanging out with him earlier and went to chill in my room, Sam was already in there…”

“Dean!” Sam hissed, his expression begging.

That right there told our parents all they needed to know.

“Oh, God,” our father exclaimed.

Our mother looked horrified. “Sam! You’re just a kid!”

Sam was now glaring at me.

“Thanks a lot, Dean,” he snapped.

I kept my mouth shut. It’d do none of us any good if he and I started fighting right now on top of everything else.

That’s when I noticed our sister. Charlie was looking as shocked as our parents did.

Full on jealousy overtook her expression in the following second. It was kind of spooky, actually.

“You’ve had sex?!” she screeched. Without another word, she stalked off into her room. We all winced when her door banged shut.

I guess I shouldn’t tell her about what Castiel and I did tonight. Yeah, I wouldn’t tell her. What she didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her, especially since the knowledge would.

Returning my attention to the situation at hand, my parents were now having the talk 2.0 with Sam, who kept shooting daggers my way. That’s when he did the one thing he knew would betray me entirely.

“You think me having sex with my girlfriend is bad? Dean is gay! Castiel is his boyfriend! This entire time those two have been sucking face all over town and he hid it from you! How long’s it been, Dean? Six months or so?”

It was my turn to glare as our parents turned to me, looking, well, shocked; hardly shocking, that.

“How could you?” I asked my brother, now a stranger to me.

“Exactly, Dean! Now you know how it feels to be outed by your brother!”

“This is _so_ not the same thing, Sam!”

“Oh, fucking spare me! Just because you’re gay doesn’t mean you’re special, you asshole!”

The anger was quick; I couldn’t have stopped it even if I’d wanted to.

“The rules are different for those of us who aren’t straight, Sam! In case you haven’t fucking noticed, straight is the default! God fucking knows why, but there you have it! You just did the _one thing_ that is meant to be up to _me_ to decide when to do!” Boy, that sentence sure was confusing. “If you truly were my brother, you wouldn’t have betrayed me like this!”

Sam came up to me. He didn’t grab me, punch me, or hit me, but he was furious and that alone was the scariest thing I’d ever seen from him.

“If you were truly _my_ brother, you selfish brat, you wouldn’t have used my experiences earlier to save your own ass, so get the fuck over yourself!” He shoved me hard enough for me to lose my balance and fall to the floor, and that’s when I snapped.

“Bitch!” I screamed at him, tripping him just before he could get out of my reach. It was extremely satisfying watching while I stood up as he fell face first to the floor, but the satisfaction died within seconds as he recovered, got to his feet, and lunged at me. We both started screaming unintelligible words meant to be insults as we tried getting in hits, and both of us managed to do some damage before our parents finally got us pried apart and forced us away from each other. Sam was sent to his room, while Dad shoved me (not hard enough to hurt me, just enough for me to get the point) towards the couch, told me angrily that I’d be sleeping there tonight, that I was grounded for a to-be-determined length of time, and that tomorrow after school (from which I was to come straight home) he, mom and I were going to have a _long_ talk.

As I was left the last one standing in the room, the anger gave out and the tears began. I really did hate how every time I got angry it was always followed by tears. God, I was so pathetic.

Sleep didn’t come easily that night.

<<<&>>>

The following morning, the kitchen was dead silent despite all five of us sitting together at the table, per our parents’ instructions (I mean we wouldn't have sat at the table if it'd been up to us). Well, okay, _dead silent_ was not accurate. There were the sounds of our silverware clinking on the dishes, the sounds of our chewing (some louder than others), the crinkle of the newspaper dad read in between bites of his breakfast, the birds chirping happily outside totally oblivious to the heavy tension in the room, you get the idea. It occurred to me that the only sibling not actually in trouble was Charlie, but she was just as sullen as the rest of us. Part of me wanted to talk to her, to comfort her but, for some reason, I felt very determined not to be the first one to speak, as if this silence between us was a competition.

Sam finished his breakfast first, so he was the first to get up. Charlie and I acted like we hadn’t noticed, but I ended up watching as mom looked up from her phone and watched her eldest (by, like, two minutes just so you know) put away his dish in the dishwasher and sulk out of the room. She exchanged a look with her husband then stood up-breakfast unfinished-and went after him. I could faintly hear them conversing in the living room, but didn’t bother to try to listen in more closely.

Following that, after a minute of silence from the room, I heard the front door open then close, and then the sound of Sam’s car’s engine turning over. Mom walked into the kitchen, sat back down, and resumed her breakfast.

The silence went on. It was pretty unbearable and still, I did nothing to change that.

Neither parent followed me when I headed out for school. Dad merely reminded me to come straight home after school. I said okay, and left. It wasn’t until I was near the school that I realized I had rehearsal tonight. I guess I’d have to text him once I was parked, asking if I could stay after school. If I couldn’t…man…I sure hope the director wouldn’t drop me. Plus, the play was the only real time I got to spend with Cas during the day. Sometimes he’d visit for lunch, but his friends were assholes who always made it extremely difficult for him to leave; he didn't visit often because he had to expend so much energy just to get past them. I wished he’d just ditch them already. My friends loved him, and he really enjoyed hanging out with them. I guess that was the price of popularity, though.

God, I hated that.

Anyways, at school, safely parked, engine off, and the text sent, I got out, took a deep breath, let it out slowly, and headed in, locking my car via remote on the way. My heart felt heavy with anxiety for my father’s answer, for the fissure that now existed between me and my twin, and for Charlie, who was also at odds with Sam. Regarding Charlie, I was anxious she’d find out that I, too, had had a sexual experience. I loved my sister so dearly; I didn’t want to lose her, too.

That all melted away, however, the moment I spotted Castiel standing closer than usual to the side entrance doors where I always entered, clearly searching for me. The smile that spread upon his face the moment he saw me was like pure sunshine on my gloomy day. Everything within me thawed right out, and by the time I was in his arms sharing a kiss, I’d forgotten all about the tension from earlier.

“I missed you,” Cas told me once we came back up for air.

I found myself hugging him to me and burying my face against his neck. I loved the sweet smell of him. I think it was Japanese cherry blossom, which was usually a feminine scent (if you went by society’s standards, that is), but whatever, I loved it.

Cas was very astute this morning. “Dean, what’s wrong?”

I recounted everything that had gone down once I’d arrived home last night. By the time I finished, Cas’ expression was a mixture of sympathy, empathy, sorrow, and anger. It comforted having him to talk to; I felt better now.

“I…don’t…I don’t know what to say. That just. I can’t believe…”

It hit me all at once that this guy was mine; that I loved him with every single ounce of my being and then some. I finally was one of the lucky ones.

“Holding me works, too,” I told him.

He smiled. “I can do you one better.” He took my face in his hands and kissed me deeply. It was the kind of kiss that was slow and lazy, that dragged on with no hurry. It was just what I needed.

**_< <<&>>>_ **

In the distance, a couple of Cas’ friends watched the pair make out, matching expressions of disgust on their (the friends') faces.

“How can he like such a low life?” one of them muttered.

“Ugh, fuck if I know. I thought for sure that by now he’d realize what a shit Dean is and dump him for quality goods.”

They watched some more. Then:

“Is it me, or do they seem closer?” the first guy asked.

Second guy realized what the first one was getting at, and he knew all too well what that meant.

“Shit. Do you think they…?”

“I don’t know, man, but they sure are having a hard time parting.”

 _Shit!_ The second guy thought. _This is not good._

“We may need to intervene, before this gets too far.”

First guy looked at him weirdly. “If they’ve had sex, Michael, it’s already gone too far. You and I are the only two who know that Cas is really a virgin. Or…uh…was…uhm…”

Michael rolled his eyes. “Either way, Ketch, we need to break them up. And I have just the plan to do it.” Once he finished explaining, Ketch found the idea to be a good one, and so they set out to ruin the first good thing to happen to Cas, because it mattered none what Cas wanted. It only mattered that he fixed his damaged reputation; clearly he needed a push in the right direction.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things take a turn for the worse in a way Dean had hoped they never would.

About five minutes before the bell for first period rang, time I was spending cuddling on the floor with Cas, my phone buzzed in my pocket. It was dad, he’d replied to my text. With a sinking heart, I read the words I’d dreaded he'd say.

_You should’ve thought of that_

_before you snuck around behind_

_our backs. Come straight home_

_after school or there will be_

_serious consequences._

I swallowed back the emotions I so didn’t want to feel at the moment and texted him a one word reply. As I put my phone away, Cas noticed the change in my mood.

“Talk to me,” he requested gently.

I laid my head against his shoulder, lump in my throat.

“Dad’s not letting me go to rehearsal tonight.”

“What?! That’s so stupid! We _need_ you! You’re the best set designer we’ve ever had!”

I shrugged, hands facing palm up in a gesture of ‘what are we to do?’ and stared afterwards at my hands in my lap.

“Honey,” Cas murmured, stroking my hair which felt amazing, “I wish I could help.”

The bell rang just as I was about to answer. Now out of time, I merely told him I knew this, kissed him, said I’d see him later (though would I??) and stood up.

“Dean, wait.”

I stopped and turned back towards Cas who walked over to me, put his arms around my neck, and kissed me. So badly I wanted to just freeze time and allow myself to get lost in this feeling coursing through my veins, but reality was far too cruel.

I placed my hands on his shoulders and eased back, trying like hell not to give in to the immediate screaming inside my head.

“We need to get going,” I told him softly.

He held a hand to my cheek and I leaned my head into his hand. “Dean, I can’t leave you knowing you’re upset.”

I met his crystal blue gaze. “There’s no choice, Cas. I will not be the reason you’re late for the first time in your high school career. Go. I’ll be fine.”

I’ll admit, it sure felt amazing having someone care like this.

He kissed me again and then reluctantly went on his way to class. I had a feeling today he’d be eating lunch with me. I hoped so. I think today was going to be a long one.

I wasn’t wrong. By the time lunch rolled around, all I wanted to do was grab Cas and just run away. So many kids had attacked me, as per usual, over my relationship with him. The director was furious that I wouldn’t be there tonight, lecturing me on how all my actions have consequences and how I really needed to start thinking ahead so things like this didn’t happen, about how now they’d have to find another set builder because as of that moment, I was fired. Then there was Sam, who slammed me into the lockers whenever we passed in the hallway, or roughly shouldered me as he passed. His friends thought it’d be really funny to spend the day knocking my books out of my hands every chance they got. Some teachers made fun of me for being unable to focus. Some teachers punished me for not being able to focus. There were taunts and teases and a few people had decided to take to throwing balls of paper at me; yeah, guys, that's just  _so hilarious_. 

All of this was before lunch so by the time lunch rolled around, I was beaten and battered.

Broken had yet to come

I spent most of the period alone, which I had expected, honestly. It was when I came back from taking my tray over to the window for the lunch ladies to take care of that I discovered my booth was no longer empty. A kid I sort of recognized was sitting there, though I couldn’t place his name. He was one of Cas’ friends, though.

“Hi, do you want me to move?” I asked him.

He shook his head. “No, I wanted to talk to you.”

Ketch! That was his name. If memory served correctly, he was one of the ones usually on the outside of the group. I mean, he was a part of the group but they never really actually involved him in any conversation, if that makes any sense. Basically he was on the outside looking in. I think, though, he usually had a buddy by his side, also on the outside looking in. There was no hope of me remembering that guy’s name, though. Cas’ group of friends was one very large group, and I absolutely sucked with names. Plus I pretty much hated them, so I kind of didn't really give a shit what they were called.

Warily, I slid into the booth on the same side I’d been sitting earlier. While it was true that Ketch didn’t actively bully me, he was still one of _them_ and I didn't trust him worth a damn.

“Ketch, right?” I asked him.

He nodded.

“Isn’t there normally two of you?”

Ketch shot a glance off towards the general area where Cas was sitting with his friends, around the corner out of our line of sight. You could hear his friends, though. “He’s with them. They don’t actually know I’m over here. They think I’ve gone to my locker.”

Oh. Okay. What was I supposed to make of that?

“Uhm, okay. Why are you here?”

Ketch leaned forward, looking…was that concern?

“I’m here to let you in on a secret of theirs, a secret that’s about you that they don’t want you to know.”

I squinted. “You want to…help me? Why?”

Did Cas know of this…secret?

“Because. They treat me like they treat you. Well, not as bad, but they never listen to me when I speak, always speaking over me the second I try to say something. They never let me do anything with them. I’m basically an outsider and I’m sick of it. I see the way they treat you and I just…I feel really bad about it and I don’t know. I want to help.”

I had a bad feeling about where this was going, but at the same time, I needed to know.

“What’s the secret?”

“You’re not gonna like this, but you’re a good guy, and you deserve to know the truth. You know your relationship with Cas?”

Fear seized my breath. Oh, no. No. Please…please…don’t be that…anything but  _that_.

Ketch read the emotions raging in my eyes. He looked so sad, so sympathetic.

“It happened because Jason,” that’s sort of the leader of the group, second most popular in the school, “made a bet that Cas couldn’t get into your pants before prom.”

Tears sprung in my eyes, though I tried my damnedest to fight them off.

“He…wouldn’t do…that,” I whispered.

“I’m sorry, but he did. I was there. Michael can confirm if you want me to get him.”

There was this tearing sensation in my chest, and more than anything I felt the urge to scream. The pain…oh, the ripping, shredding, explosive, agonizing pain…tears ran down my cheeks as everything within me became wrenched apart.

“He got into your pants last night, didn’t he?”

I could no longer speak. I couldn’t breathe. There were gaping holes where my heart and soul had been; excruciating, searing, desolate holes.

Ketch got up. “I’m really sorry, Dean. I thought this whole thing would be over in a few months, it usually is. I guess he dragged it out because of who you are.”

“Just go,” I snarled, staring at the table before me and not really seeing it.

<<<&>>>

Ketch, his back to Dean now, began to smile as he sent the text to Michael, whom, sitting next to Jason at the table, gently nudged the guy.

Jason, upon feeling that nudge, did everything he could to prevent the grin from appearing on his face. All that was left now was to send Cas Dean’s way and let it all unfold. Cas would find his way back to his _proper_ place. When the dust settled and that bitch Dean Emerson was out of the picture, Cas would remember. Cas would come back. Cas would reign stronger than ever; just as he once had.

Cas was sulking as usual and Jason was all too eager to watch everything blow up.

“Alright, fine, Cas, go see your stupid lover. Jesus.”

Cas looked up with shock. “Wait, what? You’re letting me go?”

“You _really_ need help.”

Cas ignored this as usual (which went right according to plan), got up, and hastily made his way over to his beloved.

<<<&>>>

I had just gotten up to find a place to be alone for the last twenty minutes of the period when I heard Cas calling my name. He sounded eager. Of course he did; the fucker was a good actor after all.

I turned towards him so he’d see the pain and know he'd won. He stopped short, the smile fading from his face. What _seemed_ like genuine concern crossed his face but I knew now that this was all fake. I didn’t say anything, just took off at a brisk pace. At least the tears had stopped. For now.

I found myself standing outside the side entrance. Nobody else was around. The air was cool for May, cooling the heat on my face. It surprised me none when the door opened and Cas walked through, looking deeply worried. I felt my heart yearn to believe it was real, but I wasn't going for it anymore. Now I knew better. Hell, I knew what I should've known all along.

“Dean, what’s wrong?” He went to touch me, but I was having none of it. I shoved his hand away.

“Don’t fucking touch me!”

“Dean!” Bewilderment. God, this guy was good. I couldn’t believe I’d fallen for it, hook, line, and sinker.

I turned to face him, because I really needed to know.

“What in the hell makes teen shits like you so eager to fuck over other kids your age? I mean, really, Castiel, what in the hell is wrong with you?!”

“Dean, what the fuck are you talking about? Why are you attacking me?”

“Oh, come off it already! I know the fucking truth! Ketch told me! You can cut the damn act now, you shitfuck! Secret’s out!”

“ _What_ secret?!” Cas’ voice was getting louder. Me thinks he doth protest too much.

The tears from earlier came back and streamed down my cheeks. I didn’t care if this gave him satisfaction. I didn’t care about anything anymore. He’d thoroughly stolen everything that ever meant a damn to me. Well. I guess not everything. I suppose I should be grateful for _that_.

“Did you really think I wouldn’t find out about the bet? Hm?? I can’t believe I fell for your damn act. I fucking knew better, too! But no. Stupid ass ol’ me had to go thinkin’ you deserved the benefit of a doubt. Well, congratulations, asshole, you fucking won. Falling in love with you must’ve been a nice benefit you and your shitfaced friends no doubt made endless fun of. Did you have fun ruining me like this? It’s only worth it if you had fun, right?”

Castiel stood there with his mouth hanging open, looking totally bowled over. Yeah, I bet he was shocked. Shocked that I had found out!

“Do me a favor and go fuck the devil, you rotten cunt.” I roughly shouldered my way past and headed back inside. I found a space under the stairs in the lowest level of the building. For a lot of the those twenty minutes left of the period, I cried into my knees.

I’d always known it’d come to this. After all, Castiel was the most popular kid in the school. Of course he’d never actually be into me. I’d been a god damn fool to have ever thought otherwise.

 


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel gets to the bottom of this. Will Dean ever be able to believe the real truth, though? Will Castiel ever be able to get Dean back? To fix this?

Castiel stood there for…well, he didn’t really know how long…after Dean stormed his way back inside. This whole thing was so very confusing. Bet?? What bet?? There had never been a bet! Everything between them had been real. Castiel had been so sure that Dean had known that. What had changed?? The pain that had been on that poor guy’s face…pain, he was sure, that Dean had felt before. Pain Dean had wanted to avoid feeling. Only it was worse now, because Dean had let himself fall in love.

Castiel remembered something else Dean had said.

_Ketch told me._

And suddenly it all made sense.

“God fucking damn it, you assholes!” Castiel screamed aloud as he made his way back into the building. They’d manipulated Dean into thinking the one thing Dean had always feared in the back of his mind. Castiel had hoped Dean’s faith would’ve been strong enough to withstand an attempt like this, but apparently his fear had still been stronger.

Castiel was furious. It was bad enough that his stupid friends—Hah! Friends, his ass!—hadn’t shut the hell up about him dating Dean, but this? This was way over the god damn line and perfect record or not, Castiel was going to have _several words_ with Jason. No doubt this had come from Jason’s mind. Nobody else could’ve pulled it off so seamlessly. Nobody else would've thought of it. The first thing was to find out what the hell had happened, but mainly Castiel wanted to get Dean back and he had just the plan.

Getting back into the cafeteria, he found Jason already waiting for him.

“Cas, buddy, hey. Hey, _hey!_ Wait!”

Castiel did not stop until he was close enough to grab the front of Jason’s shirt and slam him up against the column that stood just behind their table.

“What in the hell did you do?!” He boomed. His voice echoed across the cafeteria, catching every single kid’s attention in the room. They all fell silent to watch.

“I didn’t do a thing!”

“ _DON’T LIE TO ME!”_ He slammed Jason again. “You’re the only one in this fucking group of morons,” several of them took offense which he ignored, “to pull off something like this! _WHAT DID YOU DO?!”_

Jason decided, in the spirit of self-preservation, that the most likely path to escape Castiel’s wrath unscathed was to just tell him the truth.

“Alright, alright, I’ll tell you. Just let me go.”

That earned him another slam into the column, this time his head knocking on the concrete. Hard enough to smart, not hard enough to cause a concussion.

“Ow! Alright! Jesus Christ. Michael and Ketch saw you lovey-dovey with him this morning, more lovey-dovey than usual, and guessed that you’d gotten lucky last night with…” Jason couldn’t help the sneer, “him. They came straight to me with the news, and a not-completely-stupid plan to break you two up. It needed some tweaking, which is what I did. You really needed a wake-up call. You were so blinded by this fucker’s filth that you couldn’t see the damage you were doing to your reputation here. People were already starting to say shit about you and we just couldn’t have that, right, boys?”

They agreed.

Castiel felt his fury get worse. He was borderline considering choking the ever living life out of this motherfucker, and then doing it to every other shitfuck in the group.

“Get to the point!” he snarled instead.

“I am! We figured Dean, wary of us, would have been observing how this group worked, know your enemy and all that, and therefore, he probably noticed who was more involved in the group as a whole than others. Michael and Ketch have been on the outside this whole time because they’re freshman newbies, and had yet to prove themselves. Dean clearly saw this, as he let Ketch talk to him. If it’d been any one of us that had been closer to you within the group, this plan would not have worked. Dean would’ve shut them down.

“Now, this is a typical high school in America, there’s a popularity hierarchy, and given the status difference between you two, it made sense that Dean would be on the lookout for any sign that your feelings weren’t real. Even after six months. Because that is the stereotype that a lot of teens still live up to. We simply played on that; Ketch pretending like he was witnessing some cruelty he couldn’t stomach, and wishing to make it stop because he thought Dean deserved better.”

“And Dean ate it right up,” Ketch said, smug. “He’s one of the easiest marks I’ve ever had.”

Castiel closed his eyes briefly to get a smidgen of control over himself. It’d do no good if he attacked them now. He’d likely kill them, and that meant no getting Dean back, ever.

Calmer now, he looked at Jason.

“That’s it?”

“Well, it worked, didn’t it?”

“Sure did. Question.”

“Yeah?”

“Does this hurt?” He rammed his knee straight into Jason’s crotch, turned as Jason fell to the ground and punched Ketch square on the jaw. For an added measure, he kicked Ketch in the nuts, too.

He looked around the cafeteria. “If anyone dares tell on me for what I’ve just done, I swear to God you’re going to wish you were never born. You need to stop being such superficial pieces of shit and let me love whoever the fuck I want! Dean is mine! I am going to get him back and when I do, I better not hear jack fucking SHIT about him not being popular! If you all really care about me, you will fucking be happy for me!”

Silence greeted his request as he left the cafeteria.

Now, he had to find Dean, and he had a fairly good idea where he'd gone.

<<<&>>>

Once the tears had ebbed, I made my way out to the bleachers by the field. It was deserted at the moment, which was what I had hoped. I sat down on the highest row, better to see if a certain someone I never wanted to talk to again coming to try to talk me into believing him. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on me after all. Though in my case, fool me at all, it was my fault for being so fucking gullible in the first place. I knew better. I’d known better…and still…I’d fallen.

He came when I had my face buried in my hands, unable to stop the sobs.

“Dean.”

My head snapped up, and I glared at him. “Fuck off, Cas! Jesus Christ, what more do you _want_ from me?!”

“I have proof that I wasn’t lying to you. There was no bet.”

I barked out a laugh. “Oh, sure. I bet you just _told_ them what to say and recorded it so I’d believe you. Nice try, fucktwat, but I’m not fucking falling for any more of your damn shit. Leave me alone!”

“Dean, please! I don’t want to live withou—Dean! Wait! _Dean!”_

That’s when I punched him. I got lucky that he merely fell onto the row instead of tumbling down the rest of them.

“You’ve ripped me apart, Castiel. You’ve done the worst thing you could’ve ever done to me. You fucking win, get it?! God!” I stalked off down the bleachers. Would he _ever_ leave me alone??

 <<<&>>>

Cas watched, lower lip swelling up already, as Dean walked away. Tears snuck up on him as the anger gave way to despair. Well, they’d done it. They’d successfully ruined the best thing Cas had ever had.

 _No, damn it!_ A voice inside Castiel’s mind spoke up. _You love him, right?_

_Well, duh, yeah._

_Then don’t give up! So, he won’t believe the recording. You need to find an ally of his that is still willing to vouch for you. Someone—_

“I saw everything,” Charlie’s voice sounded.

Castiel looked up, or rather down, at Charlie standing at the bottom of the bleachers. Wiping his tears, Castiel made his way down to her.

“You saw…?”

“What you did in the cafeteria. That’s what you recorded, right? I saw you fiddle with your phone before you went over. I knew your plan. It was a good idea, but the wrong person delivering it. So I ran a recording, too.”

Castiel wanted to grab her in a hug, but…he wasn’t entirely sure she was an ally. He waited.

“I just need to know…do you really love my brother?”

Castiel never even hesitated.

“More than anything.”

“I’m pretty sure he feels the same. I’ve never seen him so broken.”

Tears blinded Cas for a moment before spilling over down his cheeks.

“Charlie, I swear to God, I never—”

Charlie held up a hand. “I know. He was happy with you. I want that back for him. I’ll talk to him, try to get him to listen.”

Gratitude flooded him. “Thank you. Really. So much.”

“But Cas?”

“Yeah?”

“If you ever hurt him like this again and it IS your fault, I will fucking torture you until the end of time.”

Cas smiled weakly.

“That is completely fair, Charlie.”

Charlie nodded at him and then walked away. After a few minutes taken to collect himself, Castiel followed, praying like hell that Dean would see the real truth. Castiel didn’t want to live in a world where he didn’t belong to Dean Emerson. That was a world too painful to bear.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's always gotta get worse before it can get better, but it does, eventually, get better.

The rest of the day went much like the beginning only I just did not care anymore. I went home feeling empty and dead, not even bothering to fend off my parents lecturing me for about an hour. Towards the end when they began to bring the conversation back towards Castiel specifically, they hit a nerve, and I yelled at them that Castiel and I were no longer an item, so they could stop their worrying, and then I excused myself and went to my bedroom. Sam was already in there, so I went outside instead. Sat by a tree I used to sit at as a child, and didn’t bother to stop the tears as they came. The only way to get over him was to go through this grief, if that’s what you want to call it. I don’t really have a better term for it.

At least this time the tears ebbed fast. Shortly afterwards, Charlie sat next to me and without a word pushed a button on her phone. I listened, increasingly bewildered by what I heard. Castiel was going after Jason? I realized this was the same conversation he had told me he’d recorded, and the brief glimmer of hope I'd gotten disappeared.

“It was set up,” I said numbly.

Charlie looked at me with utter shock. “Excuse me?”

“Obviously, Charlie, he set that up! He’s a good actor.”

“Dean, you fucking idiot, he didn’t know I was recording! How could he possibly set that up if he didn’t know anyone else was recording?”

“I’m sure he banked on someone else recording, someone close to me, who’d—”

“Dean Henry Emerson, don’t you make me smack some sense into you! You know damned well that Castiel did not set this up! You’re just scared of trusting him again. Castiel didn’t know I had recorded it until I told him so later on. He was shocked, and then he looked relieved because you wouldn’t believe him but he saw that there was a chance you’d believe me, and he wants you to believe me. Dean, he loves you. He’s not the one lying. His friends are, and you know damned well it checks out because they’re the ones who have constantly given both you and him a hard time for dating each other. You more so than Cas. It makes sense they’d try to break you up. Don’t let them win! You belong with him. You know you do!”

Oh, god, I was so confused.

My phone buzzed then. It was Cas. It said only two words:

_Dean, please._

I looked at Charlie, then at those words, then at Charlie again. My heart desperately wanted him back. I had been so happy.

But…

What _if?_

“You can spend your whole life worrying about what ifs, and missing what you got in the present,” Charlie began quietly.

Castiel came around the corner of the house and headed our way; my heart leaped…just like always.

“Or you can trust in the present, and cherish what you have,” he finished for her. He held up his phone. “Charlie texted me to come over; I swear I didn’t set this up.”

I swallowed hard, so very torn now. I wanted to forgive him. I mean…wait…there wasn’t anything to forgive, actually, since he hadn't been lying. Ugh! Confusing! I think you know what I meant, though.

Yet logic was screaming at me not to make this same mistake. Put up the walls. They protect me best. I’d never have to feel this way again if I just stayed behind the walls. However, I also knew that if I did that, I’d never know love again, and I think deep down I knew the one who could best show me that love was the guy standing before me, pleading with me to take him back.

Charlie got up and left us alone. Castiel stood before me awkwardly as I slowly got to my feet.

“I’m confused,” I admitted to him quietly.

“I don’t blame you.”

I wanted him. I wanted him so much. It didn't help that he was standing in a spot of sunlight that had peeked out from behind a cloud, and his black hair shined with slight bits of red. When he looked up at me, I swear the blues in his eyes were deeper. In them, I saw the love he felt. The love I felt.

I knew.

…But I had to really make sure.

“You swear…you swear to me that the bet was never a thing?”

“I swear on everything, Dean. I do wish you had more faith in me than that, I’ll admit, but I don’t blame you for it. They were very convincing.”

I took a step towards him. “I’m scared.”

“I know you are. I know it’ll take time to heal, to trust me again. I’m willing to wait until you’re ready.”

Some of my heart came back together. My soul was slowly taking up residence again. The pain was ebbing. The confusion was ebbing. The lump in my throat was gone. The anxiety, however, remained, as anxiety tends to do.

I took another step towards him.

“Please don’t hurt me.”

“You’re a treasure to me, Dean, meant to be protected at all costs, and cherished even more so.”

I took another step. “Will you catch me?”

“I will.”

I took the final step that put me directly in front him, and took that leap of faith. “I love you.”

His eyes held mine and did not waver one millimeter as he replied:

“I love you, too, so much.”

I touched his cheek, and in that moment emotions just poured out of me. Tears came out of nowhere as I grabbed him in a hug. I think they were tears of joy, of relief. The pain was gone. The world didn’t look so damn bleak. Life no longer felt pointless. I would not die alone after all.

Castiel held me tight to him, my heart’s silent sentinel as I cried out the last of the conflict within me. Oh, I hated how much I cried, but I knew that at least with Cas, I needn’t worry. He would want me expressing all emotions, and he wouldn’t judge me for it.

There was also a new piece of knowledge that had been born from this conflict; knowledge that I held no doubts about whatsoever.

Cas was mine.

When emotions settled, I led him by the hand into the house, to the living room, onto the couch where we watched reruns of Supernatural while cuddling. My mom walked in on us about two episodes later and stopped with a gasp. Don’t get any ideas. Cas and I had only been cuddling. So, mom was just shocked to see him.

“I thought you two broke up.”

More like hoped we’d broken up. I could tell they weren’t okay with me being gay. Though, I really don’t get that. So what if I was a boy who liked to date, kiss, make love with (someday) other boys (with Cas)? There was nothing wrong with that. Why didn’t it simply matter if I was happy or not??

“Dean!” Cas exclaimed, snapping his fingers. I blinked.

“ _What?”_ I asked, matching his urgent tone.

He gave a look of _you don’t need to sound so sarcastic._ “You zoned out there. You okay?”

I decided to be honest and stood up to address my mom.

“You know what, no I am not okay. Basically, I’m getting punished because I didn’t come out to you and dad right away.”

Castiel got to his feet and stood beside me. I felt the familiar thrill when he took my hand and interlaced his fingers with mine.

Mom looked confused. “I don’t understand. You’re being punished for sneaking around behind our backs, going out on dates without our permission.”

“Actually, mom, I wasn’t sneaking around. I told you who I was with, and what we were doing. Cas and I literally did all the stuff I told you we did. The only part I left out was that on occasion, we would kiss, or cuddle. If walking for a distance, we would hold hands. I merely didn’t tell you I was dating him.”

“You really don’t get the problem, Dean? You lied to us.”

“Oh for the love of—No, I didn’t!! And I didn’t come out to you because I feared exactly _this_ would happen.”

Dad appeared, having heard us. “What’s going on in here?” He looked at Cas. “What are you doing here? When’d you get here? How’d you get in?”

“Our son doesn’t think he’s being treated fairly,” mom said seconds before Cas answered my father’s questions.

“Dean took me back. I got here about two hours ago. Those hours were spent right here in this room doing nothing more than cuddling with someone who means the world to me, while watching our mutually favorite television series; your son led me into the house. I did not break in. I have not stolen anything. Well.” He looked at me. “Other than Dean’s heart, that is.”

“No, no…I gave that to you.”

Castiel blinked in surprise as he realized this. Then he smiled that beautiful smile of his and looked back at my dad. “I have not stolen anything. And frankly, it is wrong what you are doing. You seem to think you’re punishing him for, as you put it _sneaking around behind your backs_ when he literally never snuck around. He simply chose not to disclose a part of his life that he wasn’t ready to share yet. It is up entirely to him when to come out, something that was taken from him not just once but twice. I made a mistake early on in our relationship which accidentally outed him to the whole school, which he took in stride. Then your other son, his own _brother_ outed him to you out of sheer revenge. Your son was not ready to come out, and immediately what do you do? You punish him for it. You’re punishing him for being gay, and that right there is wrong. Being gay is not a problem. Being gay is not a sin. Being gay is not dangerous.

“More than anything, Mr. and Mrs. Emerson, your son needs support, he needs love. He is not a freak of nature. He should not be treated differently just because he doesn’t follow the societal defaults. All that should matter right now is that he is happy with his life.”

Silence greeted him as he fell quiet. I had no idea how my parents were taking the news, or the emotions they went through because all I could do was stare at Cas and marvel at this stunning human being standing beside me; the love of my life, my true love, my destiny. I couldn’t believe I’d almost thrown _this_ away because his friends had hit a sore spot.

“Thank God you’re stubborn,” I said to him, hand cradling his face, thumb lightly tracing his lower lip while his love-laced gaze studied mine.

“What do you mean?”

“You never gave up on me when I was furious at you.”

He smiled slightly. “You’re worth fighting for, Dean.”

I put my arms around his neck. “So are you, Cas, and I owe you the hugest apology for not fighting for you.”

Cas pulled me to him. “I’m sure with time I could learn to forgive you.”

I tensed. Wait, had I—

His smile told me he was just teasing, that I’d already been forgiven hours ago. I sighed heavily.

“You’re gonna kill me, dude,” I muttered at him.

“How about a kiss to make it all better?” He offered, leaning in.

Happily, I accepted.

 


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Cas reunited again! Stronger than ever! And they even fix up some damage that was done in Dean's life, courtesy of Cas' determination. How sweet is that??

In all honesty, I’d forgotten that my parents were in the room, having just been stood up to by my boyfriend. They let the kiss go on for a little bit before one of them pointedly cleared their throats, effectively disrupting our moment.

I looked at them in a mellow manner. “Yes?”

Castiel and I now stood close together, one arm around each other. I think my parents saw, in that moment, just how serious I was about this guy. I wasn’t going to let him go, and he wasn’t going to let me go. So, they did the only thing they really could do.

They gave in.

“Alright, fine. You’re no longer grounded and you can go to rehearsals again.”

It hit me then that I had been fired.

“Oh, well...turns out that’s not a concern anymore.”

“What?!” Castiel exclaimed as he turned to face me, the movement causing his arm to leave my waist. “What the fuck does that mean?!”

I could tell my parents shared that same sentiment.

“The director fired me.”

Cas stared for a solid minute with his mouth hanging open while anger raged in his eyes before his mouth closed, his expression one of determination.

“Nope. No. Unacceptable. Come on. We are fucking fixing this, too.”

“Cas, it’s fi—”

“Dean Emerson, you stand there, look me dead in the eye, and tell me that you’re well and truly okay with no longer being set designer for our school’s theater group. Tell me that, show me you mean it, and I won’t do this.”

But of course I couldn’t, and he knew this. Building those sets, being a part of that group, it’s what led me to him in the first place. It’s where we met, for Christ’s sake.

He nodded once, curtly. “Exactly what I thought; come on.” He grabbed my hand and led me towards the front door. I decided to tell him how I was feeling.

“You know, Cas, not to be one of those guys or anything, but you’re really sexy right now.”

Cas’ anger gave way to amusement as he laughed. “Dean, babe, first of all, you’re my boyfriend, so you’re always welcome to call me sexy any time you like. You don’t have to feel guilty. Second of all, sweetheart, you will never be one of those guys. I’ve dated those guys, and you, love of my life, are a thousand times better and more considerate than they could ever even think of being. So.” He gave me a kiss. “My love, I’m glad you find me sexy.” He smacked my ass gently, grinned, took my hand once more, and led me to his car. To the school we went.

As it was about four in the afternoon, the theater group was there just about to rehearse. The director spotted us as we came in, and rushed right over. Well, he'd spotted Cas.

“Oh, Cas, thank GOD you’re here! I…” he noticed me then, and his relief faded away into disapproval. “I fired you. You no longer belong here.”

“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about, actually,” Cas spoke.

The director looked at him. “Look, I get it. You two are all lovey-dovey love birds but I have a show to run! And I cannot, will not, entertain flimsy set designers who don’t have the brains to think before they act.”

“You’re gay, right, Mr. Jencks?”

His expression took on a look of both startlement and suspicion.

“Yes…what of it?”

“Do you remember what coming out felt like?”

The man looked uneasily between the two of us, clearly uncomfortable that he was missing the point. He liked to think himself a genius when it came to conversation, always knowing what the other meant. The man was a bit egotistical.

“Yes…”

“It wasn’t easy, right?”

“Right…”

He looked at me to see if I’d clarify but I just shrugged as if I didn’t know either. Of course, this was a lie, but, still.

“Did you decide the moment, or moments, to come out?”

He nodded.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought. It’s difficult, sure, but you were in control. My boyfriend,” gah, I loved hearing that, “didn’t get that chance. He was forced out twice before he was ready. The first time was entirely my fault; I did it accidentally when I kissed him on school property, forgetting where we were.” He turned to me now. “I am still so very sorry about that.”

I gave him a smile. “Really, Cas, it’s fine. I’ve been so very happy. If coming out like that meant keeping you, then it’s really not a bad thing at all.”

Redness crept into his cheeks. “Aw, you sap.”

“Okay, hello, play to direct, could we get to it?! Sounds like he’s fi—”

“The second time,” Cas interrupted as he turned back towards the director, “was last night, done out of revenge by his brother, to their parents. His parents proceeded to ground him. Do you understand, Mr. Jencks? They grounded him for being gay. Then you fired him for being grounded for being gay. So basically all he's hearing from the adults in his life is that being gay is something to be punished. Is that _really_ the message you want to send him? He’s been one of the best set designers this theater has ever been blessed with and you’re willing to just throw that all away?”

Mr. Jencks looked at me as if seeing me in a new light.

“Perhaps I was a bit too…rash…in my judgments. Okay. You can be set designer again. You’ll have to work with the other guy I hired.”

I was beaming. “That’s fine, Mr. Jencks, thank you!!”

“Cas, rehearsals starts in two minutes. Be on stage, we’re starting from the top off book.”

“Sure thing.”

As the director walked away, I turned towards my boyfriend.

“What on Earth did I do to deserve such an angel?” I asked him.

He rolled his eyes at that. “I am no angel, Dean. Now come here and kiss me before I don't see you again for another couple of hours.”

Happily, I obliged.

When I got backstage, my heart froze in my chest. Turns out the other guy they’d hired was Ketch, whom, when he saw me, looked none too pleased.

“What the hell are you doing here? You were fired. This is my job.”

Before I could answer, the curtain to my right flung open and Cas appeared, looking increasingly pissed as he spotted Ketch.

“I _thought_ I heard your voice. What in the hell are you doing here?!” He stopped when he was in front of me, a protective stance. “You stay the hell away from him, you lying piece of shit!”

“Cas, hon,” I gently placed my hands on his upper arms. “It’s okay.”

“He’s the reason I lost you!”

“Yes, but I’d like to put that behind us because, Cas,” I turned him around to face me, “you have me now. You got me back. You gave me the faith I lacked before. I’m not going anywhere. I am yours. Besides, you heard Mr. Jencks. I have to work with him.”

“But…”

I leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to the corner of his mouth.

In his ear, I said softly: “If he tries anything, I will holler. Okay?”

He melted against me. “Okay,” he said quietly. 

"Mm." I proceeded to nuzzle his neck, the way I knew he liked.

He giggled softly. "Stop that."

“Cas!” Mr. Jencks yelled. “Get your god damn ass out here!!”

“Coming!”

He pressed a hard kiss to my lips, murmured his love for me, threatened Ketch pain if he messed with me or my work in any way, and then disappeared behind the curtain. I studied it for a while, reminiscing over the days long ago when I’d been so excited to be so close to my crush, just on the other side. I couldn’t believe how much better things had gotten. It still partially felt like a dream.

“Are you going to stand there trying to telepathically will your boyfriend back here or are we going to go to work?”

I slid my gaze over to Ketch and launched right into my plans. He agreed with them, saying how I actually had a talent. Surprising.

After rehearsal, Cas and I headed out on a date. He took me to our mutually favorite restaurant, then took me bowling, then he took me home and it was here he told me to pack a bag. I looked at him like he was crazy.

“Dude, it’s Friday tomorrow, we have school.”

“Actually, hon, we don’t. Tomorrow is prom and the spring formal,” we’d gotten the tickets already, “and the school board has given us the day off for the kids to find tuxes and dresses and what not. You and me are going to go to  my parents’ lake house that’s a two hour drive away, that is if you want, and tomorrow we’ll spend finding tuxes to rent.”

“In a town two hours away?” I asked him.

He smiled. “Hon, prom is being held in that town this year.”

Oh!

Oooh!!

“Okay, yes, yes, and oh, _yes!_ ”

He laughed, and then kissed me. “I so love you, you silly goof. Now get in there and get packed. I’ll wait.”

“You can come in, if you want.”

“I do want but there’s someone I gotta call and I can use the time while you’re packing to do it.” He gave my hand a squeeze and pressed another kiss to my lips. “Hurry back to me.”

I did hurry.

My parents stopped me on my way back out and asked where I was running off to. I told them the truth, and was shocked when they let me go. In a daze, I went out to Cas’ car, set my stuff in the back, and got into the passenger seat in the front. Cas had apparently completed his call.

“You’re looking shocked.”

I looked at him. “I told my parents the truth about where I was going…I told them I’d be alone with you for the night, and they just…let me go. I was so sure they were going to forbid me.”

Cas smiled. “You seem to think you’re gonna get lucky tonight or something.”

My eyes widened. “Oh! No! I swear to God I—”

God, I loved it when he kissed me.

“I’m teasing you,” he said softly, lips hovering mere inches from mine. “The lake house _can_ get pretty romantic, though.”

I swallowed. “Yeah?” I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t excited to be alone with him.

His smile returned. “Oh, yeah.” He closed the gap between us, kissing me deeply. I let myself get lost in it. Soon enough, we were on our way.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas and Dean experience their first time making love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) I'd like to warn you that the smut in this chapter is not the usual sexy, hot, attractive smut that a lot of you like to read. It's painfully awkward...because it's their first time. They don't know what they're doing, they don't know what to expect. So I'm sorry if this disappoints you. 
> 
> 2\. I'd also like to apologize if this depiction of gay sex is inaccurate. Like I've said before, this is simply how I imagine it'd go. Please forgive me if I am way off base. 
> 
> 3\. Despite all this, I truly hope you can still enjoy the love they share.

At the cabin two hours later, arriving there about eight in the evening, just as we were about to go in, Cas scooped me up into his arms after I’d opened the door. I let out a surprised gasp, and then I laughed.

“Just what in the hell do you think you’re doing?”

He grinned at me. “Practicing,” he claimed, and stepped through. My stomach flipped. Practicing?? So, someday he wanted to get married? I had to admit even I loved the idea. Obviously we were too young right now but…someday…yeah…I could see it.

He set me down on the other side of the door, and eased it shut with his foot. Then he turned on the lights. The cabin was two stories high, and very spacious. I caught faint whiffs of an autumnal smell that comforted me. The lights in here were LEDs, so the room was well lit. Along the back wall of the living room area, it was all glass windows which overlooked a large lake upon which the moon was reflecting. It was a beautiful sight, and I found myself drawn over, unable to stop staring. I noticed there was a path from the house to the lake, and that path was lined with little outdoor lights that twinkled like stars. It was mesmerizing.

I felt Cas come up behind me, hands on my waist, lips at my ear.

“We can go swimming if you’d like,” he murmured softly.

“I didn’t think to bring my swim trunks,” I replied in a tone that matched his.

He chuckled against my neck, just under the ear. “Honey, we don’t need swim trunks.”

Oooohhhhh, I saw what he was getting at. I had to admit, the idea was very appealing to me.

“I’ve never gone skinny dipping before.”

“Mm,” he switched to the other side, trailing lazy kisses all the way over. “I haven’t either, but I want to with you.”

Automatically I leaned my head away to give him more room to kiss. I was torn now. I wanted to go skinny dipping with him, that sounded amazing, but it also seemed like tonight things might just happen after all, and I wanted to see them through.

Just as one of his hands started towards the fastening of my jeans, however, I made up my mind.

“Let’s go swimming.”

“Yes!” He cheered, and opened one of the windows, which I belatedly realized was actually a door. Man! That was clever. After that, my mind was filled only with thoughts of what we were doing. I watched from a slight distance as Cas undressed with his back to me, and then watched as he took a running jump into the lake. I laughed a little when he found out it was cold.

“Oohhh god! Oh boy. Okay. I got this. Dean, what are you waiting for? Get in here!” 

I took off my clothes on my way there, naked by the time I reached the water’s edge. Unlike him, I did not jump in but instead walked in, following the natural contour of the lake floor until it got deep enough for me to swim. He was right, it was cold, but I hardly cared. My thoughts were on him, and I merely wanted to be close to him. When I got over there, I marveled over his beauty once more. This time, instead of sunlight shining upon his hair, it was moonlight. Plus he was looking at me as if _I_ was one of the most beautiful sights he’d ever seen. Legs kicking beneath us, he used a hand placed on my cheek to draw me closer, and placed on my lips the sweetest kiss I’d ever felt. After the kiss I decided to race him, and so we spent a good fifteen minutes swimming around, splashing each other, and playfully calling each other names. Shortly after that, as I was beginning to feel cold even in the water, something he felt too, we headed back towards shore. I’d gotten out first, and was standing there now freezing, shivers convulsing all over my body.

“We should’ve remembered towels,” I struggled to say between all the tremors.

“I know a fast way to fix that.” He picked up his clothes, and I followed him, picking up mine on the way in. He led me up the stairs, down the hall, and into what I assumed was his room. For a split second, I could’ve sworn he meant having sex but as it turned out, he was just dumping his clothes in the hamper, said I could do the same. Once I did, he took my hand, and led me back into the hall, down it a few steps, and then through a doorway into the biggest bathroom I’ve ever seen.

“Woah,” I said, taking in all the golden hues of the tiles, the walls, the lighting, and the counter tops. The shower/bath itself was wall-to-wall length-wise, and bright white with sliding glass doors. I understood the plan now. Cas went over, opened the door to the shower, and started the water. After a minute waiting for it to warm up, he got in, and then looked at me expectantly. I had to smile. I’d never showered with anyone before.

He returned my smile. “Me neither. Now come on, we’re wasting water.”

I headed right in. He moved out of the way so I could have the water. I was about to object when I saw, on the other side, another shower head just like this one. He turned that on, too, and then grinned at me as I stood there gaping at him while marvelous hot water washed away the shivers.

"How rich  _are you_ _?!_ " I asked.

He laughed. “Rich enough.”

Though the shower was big enough to encompass the both of us, we spent the majority of our time in the middle, kissing often. When we got to it, we washed each other’s bodies. He did me first, his touch was gentle...but arousing...and for a split second after I noticed the boner I had, I grew embarrassed until he took my hand and had me reaching behind me to feel his own hardness.

Oh.

He pressed a kiss to my neck, and then stepped back so I could rinse off. Then I washed him, trying to implement the same gentle strokes he’d given me. Apparently I did it correctly because just as I finished, he pulled me to him in a heated kiss. That’s basically the moment I knew tonight we were going all the way.

After the kiss, he rinsed off, and then shut off the water. I managed the one on my side, and watched as he, dripping wet, got out and went to get towels. I held onto mine while I watched him dry off, studying every single inch of him. When he finished and looked at me, he realized I hadn’t even begun to dry off yet. He knew why and this made him laugh.

“You’re a useless gay, aren’t you?” he teased. I blinked, realized I’d zoned out, and had to grin.

“I really am.” I began to dry off. When I was done, Cas showed where to hang up our towels, and then took me to his room. It was here he dimmed the lights, lit some autumn scented candles (my favorite scent), and put on some romantic music. Then he took me to the center of the room and pulled me close against him. Aroused and all, we began to slowly sway together and revolve.

I looked at him, curious by this.

“Setting the mood,” he claimed, placing the softest of kisses on my lips. I had to admit, it was both calming me down, and causing me to feel more strongly for him than ever. I leaned into him and closed my eyes, cherishing all the sensations and smells of the moment while my heart was pounding all the love it could manage through my veins. For the first time in my life, I felt like I had found where I belonged, a sense of home.

As the song drew to a close, kisses became more frequent and we came to a standstill. He began to let his hands roam, as did I with one of mine while keeping the other in his hair. With the roaming hand, I reached between us and grasped him. He hesitated ever so slightly before resuming the kiss. I rubbed him for a few strokes before getting down on my knees, my hand now gripping the base of his shaft. I looked up at him to see if this was okay. He stared down at me a little wide-eyed.

“Should I…?” I asked, thinking he wasn’t ready.

“No, it’s okay. Just new at this. Go ahead.”

“You’re sure?”

He smiled down at me as he ran his hands through my hair. “I’m sure.”

Fulfilling the dream I’d had the last time we’d gotten this far, I took him into my mouth. I listened as his breathing caught then sort of moaned out.

“God, that feels good. More.”

I obliged him.

I worked him to orgasm because, eh, why not? And yes, I swallowed. I didn’t really see the harm in that. It certainly didn’t bother me any. As I got to my feet, he was staring at me wide-eyed once more with what appeared to be absolute astonishment.

“Did you just swallow…?”

I nodded and shrugged at the same time. “I—”

“I love you,” he interrupted, followed immediately by a deep kiss, which was then followed by him asking if he could give me a blow job. Part of me worried he’d be disgusted being that close to my organ, but I realized…this was Cas. This wasn’t some superficial stranger I was having sex with, this was my boyfriend, this was a guy who loved me exactly as I was, flaws and all. So I said yes, and I soon found out just how good it really did feel. I think I came faster than he had, but I reminded myself that that hardly mattered. He also swallowed, and I felt a shock erupt in my stomach, travel through my loins, and dissipate. I wondered what that was all about. The thought left anyways as Cas and I came together for another kiss before we made our way, stumbling kind of, towards the bed. We hadn’t been careful about watching where we were going so when the back of my legs unexpectedly hit the edge of the bed, they buckled. Cas fell on top of me as I fell over backwards, and the both of us started laughing. I don’t know why; it just seemed funny.

As our laughs subsided, we adjusted to a more comfortable position, he got out a condom, lube, and then, slowly, after many kisses and preparation, he eased his way in. Instinctively, I clenched up, which made how  _wrong_ this felt so much worse. I felt a crushing disappointment because it _didn’t_ feel good. He stopped his advance, looking slightly panicked.

“I’m okay,” I told him, slightly breathless. “It’s just…I…”

I watched as the emotions on his face switched from panic, to guilt, to concern, and then he closed his eyes, I assume counted to a number, and regulated his breathing. When he opened them again, he was calmer.

“Okay. It's okay. I read up on this. It’s supposed to be uncomfortable the first few times we do this.”

“It is?” It wasn’t so bad at the moment now that he wasn’t moving, though my body was blaring alarm that something was not where it was meant to be. It was a little distracting. Still, even with the knowledge that this was normal, I had to say: “I’m so sorry.”

He did a little laugh/sigh, and carefully leaned down to kiss me. “It’s okay,” he murmured. “The trick is to relax your body, especially your ass. Right now, your body is freaked. Oh, and,” he reached for the lube, “this is our best friend tonight.” He studied me, concerned again. "Do you still want to try to do this?"

I found that I really did. This made him smile.

“Then let’s go.”

Working together, we got my body relaxed and he eased out almost entirely, squirted a lot more lube on, and slowly inched his way back in. It was hard to relax, but we kept at it until finally I began to adjust to the sensation. Finding that he could move easier, he began to do so. At the same time, he squirted some more lube onto his hand and began to rub me while he thrust slowly. We might not have been moving very fast, but my _gawd_. It absolutely thrilled me to my very core feeling him fill me up like this over and over. It hurt, too, a little bit, but the lube definitely made things easier. Towards the end, I was even requesting him to go faster, which was perfect timing because right then his orgasm hit.

I marveled at the cry he let out as he pushed deep inside of me one last time, felt his muscles quiver from the orgasm, and found myself reaching an orgasm too, stronger than I’d ever felt before. Next thing I knew, I found myself…sobbing?

Cas looked down with alarm. “Oh! Oh, I’m so—”

I waved a hand to dismiss that. “No! No. I’m good. I’m,” a sob broke free, “I’m so _happy_.”

He looked so confused, the poor guy, but he managed a weak smile and accepted my kiss.

“I love you,” I murmured to him, feeling the absolute truth of those words. I was bonded to him completely now, for better or for worse. I guess the question that remained now was…did he want me to make love to him?

I asked.

“Oh, fuck yes. I just.” He cleared his throat. “I’m afraid to pull out now.”

Ohhh, yes, that would be…interesting.

“Only one way to do it,” I told him. Knowing I was right, he started. I inadvertently let out a loud groan.

“Sorry sorry sorry sorry!” he exclaimed, taking the condom off and tossing it into a nearby trashcan.

I laughed, pulled him down to me, and kissed him as I rolled us over so that I was now on top. “I’m gonna show you just how wonderful it really is. It just takes a bit to get used to, is all.”

He smiled and gave me a stroke that had my eyes rolling up just a bit. “I can’t wait," he murmured.

It went the same for him as it had for me, and all the while I marveled at these new sensations flowing through me.

He cried afterwards as well (it only lasted for a couple minutes) and then much like I had him, he grabbed me to him for a kiss that was more immensely passionate than any previous one, and I knew he felt the new bond, too.

So, even though our first time had been awkward and slow, at the end of it all it’d been an amazing experience I got to share with a guy I loved so very much, and I didn’t regret this one damned bit.

We slept soundly that night.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after. Warning: lots and lots and LOTS of fluff!!

The morning after was an experience of its own, too. I woke up first and discovered we had switched positions at some point in the night. What had at first been me cuddling him from behind was now him cuddling me like so. I felt the strongest desire to clearly see his face, to watch (if I didn’t wake him when I moved) as he slept. Carefully, I began to turn around to face him. While my movement did not wake him fully, he stirred, uttered a low noise, and turned onto his back, head lolling to the side away from me, mouth slightly ajar. I got comfortable in my new position, propping my head onto my fist, using my pillow as a resting place for my elbow. With my free hand I began to gently doodle on his chest. I watched as his chest rose and fell at the slow, even intervals that signified deep sleep. Emotions I felt for him were so strong they were nearly drowning me. Is this what it was to be in love? To be bonded through sex? It felt so strong. I couldn’t believe I was getting to experience such pure bliss.

He stirred, took in a deep breath, let it out, and then opened his eyes. I stilled my hand against his chest and waited. At first he just laid there, struggling against the age-old debate of falling back asleep versus getting up. The clock on his side of the bed said it was nine-forty-two in the morning. He was overcome with a stretch, accompanied by a groan, and once he settled again, he looked down at his chest where my hand lay. A look of confusion crossed his face until his memory kicked in. Then he looked at me, and I could just _see_ last night come back to him all at once. A brilliant bright smile lit up his face. I so very badly wanted to screech with excitement and I had to control myself while an automatic smile appeared on my face to match his.

“Good morning,” he said; his voice thick from sleep.

“Good morning,” I replied cheerfully.

He seemed amused by this, reached for my face and brought it to his own for a kiss. Morning breath was indeed a thing that existed in this moment but neither of us really cared. I found myself rolling onto him partially, draping one leg over his as I settled against him. He pressed another kiss to my forehead, rested his head back against the pillow, and sighed.

“You okay?” I worried.

Self-doubt was beginning to poison my bliss. This annoyed me.

“That’s the thing. I’ve never been this happy before. I don’t know what to make of it.”

Ah, yes; I knew how that felt. Wait. Did he just say…?

He saw me staring at him with shock and grinned.

“You need to stop doubting yourself, my sweet. You were amazing last night.”

Well, sure; he had nothing to compare it to. If anything, _he’d_ been the amazing one.

_Or, you nimrod, you can stop being such a shit and accept that he means what he’s saying; you made him feel amazing. He loves you dearly, you can see it right on his face. Last night was just as special for him as it’d been for—_

Loud music started playing out of fucking nowhere, startling me so badly I was surprised I hadn’t pissed myself. Once I realized what it was (he’d forgotten to turn off the stereo he’d had playing last night as we made love), I uttered a curse, and flopped onto my back, hand over my racing heart, trying to calm down. Cas was too overcome with laughter to say anything. I watched him, wanting to be mad that he was laughing at me, but he just looked so euphoric, it was hard not to love him for it. I even started giggling. His joy was so contagious.

“It’s really not funny, Cas,” I struggled to say seriously.  Giggles kept pushing through, even as his laughter was begging to ebb.

He looked at me with tear filled eyes, his expression just straight up pure delight.

“Then wh-why are…you laughing…too?”

“I am,” a giggle escaped, “not!”

He tackled me then. "Liar!"

“Hey!” I fought back; our laughter filled the room as we playfully wrestled. It was all just so… _wonderful_.

It took a while for us to calm down but we managed to finally got out of bed around ten-oh-seven or so, and headed into the bathroom to shower. Well, I needed to pee first, and apparently doing so brought to his attention to the fact that he likewise needed to pee. I started up the shower as he did so, and had just gotten in when he flushed the toilet. The water went cold.

“Gah!” I jumped back.

“Oh!! Sorry!! I forgot it does that!”

I mock glared at him. “Oh, you just conveniently forgot did you?” The water was already back to its previous temperature. He got in and came over to me, his arms snaking their way around my waist. I pretended to be too mad to even look at him, turned my head to the right (his left), and stared out through the glass doors.

“I’m sorry,” he said earnestly, kissing me on the jaw. “I really,” a kiss under my jaw, “truly,” a kiss on my neck, “forgot.” He made his way down to my shoulder, then back up to the corner of my lips. His expression was so innocent, so pure, what he was doing felt so _incredible_  that I gave up my fake grudge, and turned my head towards him.

“Alright, I forgive you.”

“Mm,” he teasingly brushed his lips against mine but didn’t let me kiss him. “Do you now?”

My breathing quickened slightly as he teased me some more with kisses so close to my lips but not directly on them until I let out a tortured moan. Satisfied, he finally kissed me as I wanted and made it so very worth my while. After that, we parted to actually shower instead of wasting water. It wasn’t until I was out and dried off that I realized my overnight bag was downstairs. I headed down in nothing but a towel wrapped around my waist, spotted the bag by the front door, and went over to get it.

A scream had me freezing in place just as I reached where the bag lay. Cas heard it, too, and came running, wearing a pair of jeans but no shirt. For a second, I could only stare at him as he slowed his pace on the stairs to avoid getting hurt. He saw my gaze, grinned, reminded me there were more pressing matters at hand, and pointed. Reluctantly I looked, and saw Charlie’s girlfriend staring at me with horror.

“Nessie, what are you doing here?” I realized how that sounded. “I mean, I’m glad to see you, hope you’ve been well, but…what…?”

Cas came over to me. “I invited her and Charlie over.”

I looked at him. “Oh? When did this happen?”

“Remember that call I had to make yesterday?”

Ohhhhh.

Wait, what?

“Wait, so...”

Cas smiled and briefly touched my cheek, an affectionate gesture. “You are so cute; so, I thought it might be nice if you and me doubled up with Charlie and Nessie for prom. Go as, like, a group. It saves on gas and ensures the safety of at least us four.”

I put my arms around his neck. It seemed I would not be able to stop touching him today, or kissing him, for that matter.

“You’re such a smart guy,” I complimented, kissing him before he could reply. He pulled me in against him so fast that he dislodged my towel which I didn’t actually actively notice right at that moment.

“OH!” Nessie cried out. “DUDES! Come on! Dean, for Christ’s sake, get your towel back on! _Gawd_. If I’d known I’d be seeing male parts I’d not have agreed to this.”

It was like I was high on weed or something. I pulled away and looked down at the towel on the floor. My brain identified the need to be concerned but all I felt was love for Cas, who was finding this whole thing hilarious. He bent over as he laughed, picked up the towel, handed it to me, and then maneuvered me towards the stairs, stating all the while how much he loved me, how cute I was, what a goofball I was, etc. Each statement had my love for him growing stronger. I was literally falling in love with him all over again in every single minute. Quite the sensation, that.

I remembered, halfway up the stairs, the reason I’d come down in the first place.

“Uh, my bag,” I said, staring at where it still lay by the door.

“I got it,” Cas said. Nessie was already looking anywhere but at me, and to spare her any more embarrassment, I hurriedly finished going up the rest of the stairs. Cas wasn’t far behind.

In his room again, he watched as I finally finished getting dressed. I caught the look of total adoration on his face, and knew exactly how that felt.

“Right back at you,” I told him.

His smile returned. “Last night was good, then, for both of us. No regrets.”

I had to ask. “Do you have regrets?”

He gave me a _dude, come on_ look but still answered the question.

“Not even a little. If anything, I’m looking forward to doing it again.”

I grinned. He wasn’t the only one. I was tempted to try now, but I knew better. I held out my hand.

“Come on, we have guests to apologize to.”

“ _You_ have guests to apologize to," he said as he came over and took my hand, "I was fully dressed."

“Oh, and who was it that just _had_ to kiss me so passionately that my towel slipped when he grabbed me to him?”

He stared ahead in silence for a minute as we made our way towards the stairs, and then said:

“Shut up, Dean.”

I cackled. He grinned like an idiot and playfully nudged me, once more calling me cute. I nudged him back and called him adorable. We kept disagreeing like this until we got to the bottom of the stairs. Safely on the first floor now, I pulled him to me and shamelessly kissed him just as fervently as I could manage. It was one of those kisses where you sort of literally lean into it, causing your other to lean back. I pulled back sharply, straightening once more. Cas stared at me, incredulous, and then did the same thing to me. Next thing I knew, we ended up against the kitchen doorway, madly making out. I don’t know how long we spent like that, but after awhile Nessie spoke.

“Oh thank _god_ you’re finally here.”

I assumed, correctly, that Charlie had arrived, though I didn't break the kiss to find out.

“Woah," Charlie (see?) exclaimed, "How long have they been doing… _that?_ ” She was silent for a second. “Jesus, Dean. Who knew you had that in you?”

“I don’t know how long,” Nessie replied to her when I continued to ignore her, “but they won’t stop being all over each other and just…” she let out a little whine, “I’m so glad you’re here.”

Charlie chuckled. “You’re okay, baby.”

Silence; then a shrill whistle sounded that made me jerk away to instinctively cover my ears, which was illogical since the sound had already occurred and passed by the time my hands had actually covered my ears. Realizing what had happened, I turned to Charlie, exasperated.

“Dude,” I said to her. Cas’ hand took mine as he casually leaned against me. My heart tumbled in my chest.

She gave me her stern look. “Dude yourself. What the hell has gotten into you two?”

I bit my lip about that, literally. Cas just let out a soft giggle and looked at the floor.

Charlie looked between us two and understood. Her eyes went wide.

“Oh my god! Finally!”

Cas and I looked at her with shock.

“Excuse me?” we chorused. I had expected her to be mad like she had been with Sam.

She focused mainly on me for her response.

“You two have one of the most perfect bonds I’ve ever seen two people have. I was honestly wondering when the hell you were gonna have sex. If you ask me, six months was too long.”

I exchanged a look with Cas. We both knew six months had been just right. I looked back at my sister.

“You’re not mad, then?”

She looked curiously confused until she realized what I was talking about.

“Oh, that. That wasn’t about sex, actually. Never mind. Uhm, hey! Good for you! But you two should probably cool it with the lovey-touchy stuff. It’s cute up to a point and then it just gets obnoxious.”

“No offense, Charlie," Cas spoke up, "I love you like a sister and all, but I’m not going to _not_ touch Dean. I mean. Come on.”

I bit my lip again and looked at the floor, trying desperately not to squeal with excitement. This was nearly too much to bear, all of these raging emotions. I think hormones were in the mix, as well.

Charlie sighed heavily. “You’re lucky you’re cute as hell, Cas. Both of you are so frickin’ adorable.”

Strangely that reminded me.

“Ness, for what it’s worth, I am sorry you saw me naked, and I’m sorry we’ve grossed you out so much.”

She smiled at that. “It’s okay. Charlie is right. As gross as it is to me, you two really are adorable. I’m betting you get pegged as cutest couple at prom.”

I looked at Cas. “That might be cool.”

“Sure would but either way all I care about is dancing with you.”

My heart crooned.

“That sounds perfect.”

And I couldn’t wait.

 


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jason just won't give up. Luckily for Cas and Dean, they're more determined than ever to not let anything get between them ever again.

We had breakfast, then went out found ourselves some prom wear, and generally annoyed the shit out of Charlie and Nessie unintentionally. Like I said, I couldn’t get myself to stay away from Cas for too long and in some cases, he'd deliberately make it difficult for me to be apart from him. We had lunch, brought our formal wear back to the cabin. Charlie and Nessie went for a swim while Cas and I decided to spend our time getting some sun on the shore. As we lay, me in his arms, head against his shoulder, he asked if we should admit to them that we’d been naked in that very lake the night prior. I gave him a weird look.

“What? No! Of course not!”

We stared at each other for literally a split second before we both burst out laughing. Cas tackled me back to the sand, sealing his lips over mine as he settled on top.

“I love you, Dean Emerson,” he murmured afterwards.

Oh, my poor heart was going to give out at this rate.

“I love you, Castiel Stevens.”

He kissed me again.

Eventually the time to go to prom arrived. The house designated for the event was a two story, with the upstairs blocked off. In the dining area a buffet was set up with various desserts. There was a chocolate fountain. Unable to resist, I took a strawberry, dipped it in, and then offered it to Cas, who deliberately took a sultry bite out of it, just to watch me struggle. He was none surprised when I took his face into my hands and kissed him (once he had swallowed and was in no danger of choking). He was not shy about kissing me back. Neither of us cared about who was watching.

“Hey, hey, hey!” Charlie exclaimed, smacking the both of us until we parted. “You two need to behave here. Otherwise you’re going to get kicked out. PG rated actions, guys, _PG_.” She walked off towards a table where her girlfriend waited.

I sighed. “She makes it sound like it’s _so easy_.”

Cas laughed, put an arm around my shoulders, pressed a kiss to my head and promised: “I won’t deliberately tease you anymore. In all seriousness, though,” he moved his arm from around my shoulder, taking my hand, “strawberries dipped in that chocolate are very delicious. Here.” He dipped one and held it out for me. “Try it.”

Unlike him, I made no effort to drive him crazy taking a bite out of it. The desire burned in his eyes anyway, though. I nearly choked upon seeing it, forgetting I was eating. With the food safely swallowed, I pointed to him.

“Like that!” I whined. “You keep doing _that_.”

“Doing what?” He asked, innocently unaware.

I shook my head. “Looking at me as if I was the greatest damn thing you’ve ever seen in your life.”

“Well, Dean, surely you know by now…you _are_ the greatest damn thing I’ve ever had in my life.”

It wasn’t lost on me the change he made. I fought the desire this time because all I really wanted to do was leap into his arms, kiss him, and just stay there. Charlie was right, though. We needed to keep this on the down-low if we wanted to actually enjoy prom. As we neared our table, I allowed a kiss.

“I feel the same way about you, Cas. I hope you know that.”

He smiled. “I know.”

We sat. We were told when we’d first entered the house to wait in the dining room so the chaperones of the dance could speak to us, remind us about being safe. It took about fifteen minutes for the room to fill and then the safety talk began. There were four chaperones for this event, two of whom I recognized, the other two I’d never had as teachers. They were aware of our impatience to begin dancing in the ballroom downstairs, so they kept the talk short.

At seven-thirty, I was sharing my first slow dance [at prom] with my beloved.

<<<&>>>

Jason watched as the couple, unaware that they were in the middle of the room and had been given space by the other dancers, swayed side to side, bodies pressed close, heads rested together, looking very much a couple madly in love; sometimes they kissed, other times they were content just to be so close. Those two had definitely gotten busy last night.

Jason hated it. His plan had seemed so solid, but that bitch Charlie had to go and ruin everything! Well. That was okay. He had a plan B, and it would work for sure.

<<<&>>>

Things went smoothly for about an hour and a half. I’d been having a lot of fun surprisingly, even though all I’d literally done was sway from side to side as I rested against him in Cas' arms. At nine, I grew tired of being on my feet, Cas too, so we went over to some tables in the back off the room and sat down. By that I mean he sat down, I sat on his lap, and we cuddled as we watched the other dancers. A few minutes later I decided to go get a drink, and asked if my beloved wanted anything. He requested a Pepsi soda if they had it. If not, he trusted me to find a suitable replacement from whatever they did have. We shared a kiss before I went upstairs. Once up there, it took me almost no time to find the sodas (they did indeed have Pepsi; Cas would be so happy), and just as I was about to head back down, I spotted Jason and the most popular of Cas' exes conversing over by the stairs. Their backs were turned to me, so carefully, I snuck on over to eavesdrop. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to know Jason was up to something, and that it was about breaking me and Cas up.

“So, you clear on the plan?” Jason asked the ex.

“Yeah. I’m to try to get Cas alone and then when I’m sure that his pansy boyfriend is looking, I kiss him.”

“Yes, but make sure you make it look like Cas kissed you. That’s the seller we need. Dean is massively insecure when it comes to Castiel, and we need to seriously hit him where he’s still wounded. I don’t think Dean will forgive him this time around.”

“Okay.”

“Now, take it f…”

I turned and quietly hurried away.

Back in the ballroom, I set our sodas down, took Cas by the hand, pulled him to his feet, and led him outside. Nobody else was out there. Once there, I turned to him and felt my mind go blank. Being so close to him had shorted out my brain, and I found myself kissing him. He went with it, his hands grasping my shirt at the hips. His body was pressing as much as possible against mine and yet it wasn’t enough, I wanted—

_No!_

I needed to focus, damn it! 

I pulled away, hands on his chest to hold him back. Or, to hold myself back, really.

“Okay,” Cas said a little dazedly, “that was wonderful but you didn’t have to bring me all the way out here just to kiss me, Dean.”

I shook my head, trying desperately to get my coherent thinking back. “Not why I brought you out here.”

He looked puzzled.

“I didn’t plan on kissing you at all, it just…overcame me.”

Cas smiled, placed a hand on my cheek, stroked it with his thumb, and then gave me a soft kiss that had me yearning for him even more. He pulled back this time, and asked me what was wrong.

Right! There was a problem.

Gahhh...those eyes of his...Okay! No. I got this. I could focus.

“Which one of your exes was the really hot one that the entire school was, like, obsessed with?”

Cas’ gaze drifted to something over my shoulder behind me while he thought back, trying and apparently struggling to remember. After a minute, he met my gaze again.

“Hon, I have no idea who you’re talking about.”

I found myself comforted by that fact. None of them were hotter to him than the others because looks were not what he concerned himself with.

God, I loved him.

I fiddled with his shirt. We’d both taken our jackets off shortly after we'd started dancing.

“He was the one that lasted the longest, uh, like, eight months I think it was? It was sophomore year after you came out, I remember that. He’d been from out of town…”

Cas continued to draw a blank.

“Nothing?” I asked.

His face was overcome with a sheepish expression and he shrugged. “I’m sorry, hon. The guys pushed so many guys at me they all became sort of a blur. What’s this about, anyway?”

I remembered an important detail, then.

“Wait, wait, he had a really weird name.”

I saw it clearly as it clicked in Cas’ brain. His eyes went wide.

“Ezekiel??”

“Yeah!! Him!”

Cas now looked astounded. “Wait, so you thought he was really hot?”

Blush creeped into my face. “I didn’t mean hotter than you and I didn’t really see the big deal I just…the whole school was like…really into him…and…”

Cas was looking very much in love with me at the moment. “Dean, honey, precious sweetheart, I love you so very much but _why_ are you bringing up a guy from my past? He’s long gone. I haven’t thought of him since we broke up, not before now anyways.”

“He’s here,” I told him.

His smile faded. “Wait, what?!”

“I saw him with my own eyes, heard him with my own ears. He’s being used by Jason to break us up.”

Cas traveled through a lot of emotions before he settled upon annoyance. “That fucker just doesn’t give up! Did you hear their plan entirely?”

“Yeah. Ezekiel is to kiss you within my line of sight, but he has to make it look like _you_ kissed _him_ so that I’ll think I’ve been betrayed and thus never trust you again in my life." I let out a sigh. "Jason is going through a lot of trouble just to break us up, why? Why does he care so much about your reputation?”

“Beats the hell outta me, but I’m so glad you caught him scheming.” He pulled me in for a hug. “I just got you back.”

I smiled a little, burying my face against his neck, one hand against the back of his head. “If I’d not found out about this, and it went according to plan, you would not have lost me anyway.”

“No?”

“I’m yours, Cas. Last night sealed the deal.”

As his arms tightened around me, he turned his head and pressed a kiss to my neck. “For me, too.”

I met his gaze. “Yeah?”

He rolled his eyes as a grin pulled at his lips. “Yes, Dean, stop doubting your worth.” We shared a kiss. “Now, obviously we can play this to our own advantage,” he said, “and really make it backfire in Jason’s face.”

I was intrigued. Cas explained his plan.

When we went back inside, Jason and Ezekiel were waiting, partially hidden, by some tables in the back, near enough to where we’d sat earlier for them to hear any conversation of ours. We made like we didn’t see them, stopped just in front of our table. It was just our luck that the music got so loud at that moment that we’d have to raise our voices (ensuring that Jason and Ezekiel would definitely hear us).

“I gotta use the restroom!” I yelled.

“Okay, hon! Do you need help finding it?!”

“No, that’s okay!! I’ll be right back!”

“Hurry back to me!”

We grinned at each other before we kissed and then I went off. I did actually need the restroom so at least that part was real timing. As I returned, and my gaze fell upon Cas, Ezekiel was kissing him. Jason said something as I pretended to be horrified, and Ezekiel pushed himself away from Cas, feigning surprise. Ya know, as if Cas had suddenly kissed  _him_. I let the fake horror on my face fade and determinedly made my way over.

“What the hell is going on?” I demanded.

Cas feigned shock. “No, wait, Dean, I swear it’s not—!”

It should be noted that Jason was beaming. Ezekiel was looking mighty smug himself. Cas winked at me. It was go time. Ezekiel saw the wink, and his smugness faded. He knew something was not right; pretty obvious, that.

I sighed heavily. “I am hurt as hell, Cas! You never thought to ask me if I wanted to be a part of this?!”

“Well, babe, I know we talked of it, but…I just…”

Ezekiel was looking between the two of us, seeming increasingly disturbed by what he was hearing.

“Wait, what’s going on?” He asked.

“I’ll tell you what’s going on, big guy.” I cast him a sultry glance. “You, me, and Cas are gonna go to his cabin and get down and dirty. I'm gonna pound that ass so deep you'll never forget it.”

Ezekiel’s eyes went wide and Cas snickered.

“No, that’s not what…I was…No!”

I feigned hurt. “You mean to say you don’t want me? Ugh! How dare you! I will have you know I am insanely sexy! Just ask Cas. Better yet, I can show you.”

I grabbed his face and placed a kiss on his lips. I snuck my tongue into his mouth just long enough for him to really _feel_ it, and then I stepped back. Ezekiel looked like he was going to be sick. Without a word, he ran off, hand over his mouth.

Cas and I burst out laughing. Then we hugged. Next, we turned to Jason, becoming serious. He was staring at us with wide eyes.

“Nice try, asshole,” Cas and I chorused.

Jason looked between the two of us. “H…how??”

“I overheard everything, you dumbass. You could’ve avoided this if you’d just looked behind you,” I told him.

“Lucky for me, you’re a clueless fucking moron,” Cas piped up.

Jason glared at us. "One way or another, I will break you two up!"

I just rolled my eyes.

“You’re too late," Cas informed him. "Dean and I made love for the first time last night and let me tell you there is not a god damned thing on this planet that is ever gonna drive us apart. So give it the fuck up already or so help me, God, I _will_ make your life a living hell.” To me, Cas offered his hand. “Shall we dance, my love?”

I smiled, firmly placing my hand in his. “Let’s dance.”

Jason, or anyone else for that matter, didn’t bother us about our relationship ever again. As an added bonus, we were not only chosen as cutest couple at prom that night, but crowned king and...well, king. Talk about having a happy ending.

**The end.**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To everyone who's kept up with this story as I wrote it over the past couple months, thank you so much! Thanks for your incredible patience when I struggled to get even a single chapter out. Thanks to those who left all those comments after every chapter, you really helped keep me motivated to write! Thank you for going along on this ride, it sure was amazing to create!
> 
> I don't know what my next story will be, or if it'll be an original work (with original characters) or another fanfic, but I hope it gets as much attention as this one did. 
> 
> Again, thank you so, so much. You have been amazing and I can't wait to share my next creation with you!


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